


All the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me

by manesalex



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alex Manes Deserves Nice Things, Alex Manes Loves Michael Guerin, Alex Manes Needs a Hug, Blood and Gore, Canon Disabled Character, Cooking Lessons, Domestic Fluff, Drinking, Experimentation on Aliens, Ghosts, Haunting, Jesse Manes is His Own Warning, Jesse Manes is a War Crime, Kissing, Longing, M/M, Maria DeLuca & Alex Manes Friendship, Michael Guerin Loves Alex Manes, Michael Guerin is a flirt, Michael Guerin is a menace, Mind Reading, Music, Mutually Supportive Friendships, Nightmares, Not Actually Unrequited Love, POV Alex Manes, Panic Attacks, Past Isobel Evans/Rosa Ortecho - Freeform, Past Maria Deluca/Rosa Ortecho, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Canon Abuse, References to Canon Bullying, References to Genocide, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Self-Loathing, Self-Worth Issues, Slow Burn, Temporary Character Death, Torture, Trauma, Unreliable Narrator, background Isobel Evans/Charlie Cameron, background Isobel Evans/Kyle Valenti, background Isobel Evans/Kyle Valenti/Charlie Cameron, background Liz Ortecho/Max Evans - Freeform, background Maria Deluca/Jenna Cameron, canon amputee, friendships, internalized ableism, mindscape, poor self-care, the friendships we deserve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:34:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 23,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28161744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manesalex/pseuds/manesalex
Summary: Fresh out of both the Air Force and rehab for his injury, Alex moves into a new home that seems too good to be true. The catch? His best friend, Maria, is convinced it's haunted.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 60
Kudos: 107
Collections: Roswell New Mexico Big Bang 2020





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [primalmusic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/primalmusic) for all the wonderful work you did creating art for this fic! I was so lucky to get to work with you and I can't wait to see how it turns out! Readers, you can find their amazing work [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28170840).
> 
> Thank you to [Beka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/beka1820/pseuds/beka1820) and [Jess](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmiceverafter/pseuds/cosmiceverafter) for always building me up when I need it most. I am so lucky to have you as my fam.
> 
> Last, but not least, thank you to my wonderful beta, without whom this fic wouldn't be what it is today. I am so grateful for all your support and hard work.

“Are you sure about this place?” Maria asks as she looks around Alex’s new house. She looks wary, but Alex doesn’t get why she would. He’s managed to find a place in Roswell that fit all of his needs. Right when he needed it most.

“Yeah. It feels right,” he replies. This house feels _warm_. He feels _safe_ here. Alex doesn’t remember ever feeling safe before in his life. He’d imagine this is what home is supposed to feel like. He hates to ask, but, “Why?”

“It’s definitely haunted,” Maria answers, fingertips brushing along a windowsill. “But, if you feel like it’s okay, maybe this spirit wants you here. Or, at the very least, doesn’t want to hurt you.” She moves away from the window, crossing the floor to meet him.

“Look, it’s an accessible place that was available and that I can actually afford,” Alex brushes off Maria’s supernatural concerns with his much more earthly ones. He’s barely out of rehab, still adjusting to his prosthetic, still leaning heavily on his crutch. He’s lucky he didn’t have to move in with Maria and Mimi, though he knows they would have been happy to help him. Or, worse, he could have been stuck moving back in with his father.

Maria rolls her eyes at him in the kindest of ways, “Are you telling me not to look a gift horse in the mouth?”

He just grins at her and shrugs, “I guess I am.”

“Okay then. But be careful,” she admonishes him before reaching out and wrapping her arms around him.

He leans into the hug, squeezing her back. “I promise.”

When she pulls away, she adds, “And call me if anything spooky happens. I’ll help you cleanse this place properly.”

“Okay. Thank you, Maria.” He walks her to the door, where they hug again.

She steps outside before turning and saying, “And please consider hanging out with Liz, Rosa, and me sometime? They miss you too, you know.”

Alex just nods and forces a fake smile onto his face. He feels guilty about it, but he doesn’t think that’s a good idea. He’s not the person they all remember from high school anymore. And he can pretend to be that person with Maria, mainly because she refuses to let him be the hermit he so desperately wants to be, in her words. But he can’t handle watching the disgust on his friends faces when they realize who he is now. How many innocent people he’s killed. How much he is like his own father now.

He forces himself to focus his mind on the work he has to get done today while he waits for Maria to drive away. Then he closes the door and locks it behind her, shaking his head, certain that there’s no such thing as ghosts.

* * *

After the movers leave, Maria helps him put away his few belongings, puts out his own towels, makes the bed, and just sets the place up, while he sets up the security system.

Once he’s on his own, Alex pulls out his laptop and gets to work. The upside of his honorable discharge and the education he’d gotten in the Air Force is that his skills are in high demand and he can work remotely on his own schedule and his own terms.

He only looks up when the alarm on his phone goes off, reminding him to take his evening pills. Which means he has to eat dinner. So he pulls out the microwave dinner that Maria had looked at with concern. It’s not so much that he can’t cook. It’s just that his time is so much better spent on other concerns.

Alex is certain Maria will be coming over with Tupperware full of meals as soon as she gets the chance to make them, but, for now, he has this. And he knows she won’t accept money for the extra groceries she probably can’t afford, so he’ll work on updating The Wild Pony’s website and setting up a website for online readings as well. He’ll help her out while she hustles.

He finishes his dinner and tosses back his pills, going through as much of his evening routine as he can with his prosthetic still on. And then it’s a few more hours of work until he’s struggling to keep his eyes open.

Afterwards, he makes his way to his new bedroom, sitting down on his bed, rubbing his leg. He is well aware his prosthetic has been on too long. And that he should be adjusting to being without it, at least in his own home. But his fear of being vulnerable is deeply ingrained, and he’s certain it will take more than a day in a place that is truly and entirely his own for him to let go of that. Even the cameras, motion and noise sensors, and door alarms aren’t enough to get rid of the fear that there’s a threat lurking around every corner.

Alex sighs, lifting his shirt up and over his head, folding it up to set it aside.

“Finally,” he hears a voice say, seemingly out of nowhere. “Something interesting.”

He freezes up for far too long before searching for the source of the voice.

And then he sees him, standing in the doorway, leaning casually and yet, somehow, seductively. He’s handsome, looking like a Greek god carved from marble, his skin tanned and gorgeous. And his hair is a mass of gorgeous, messy curls.

If Alex were meeting him anywhere else, he would’ve taken this handsome stranger to bed. Or maybe he just wishes he would have the courage to do that. Maybe in another universe.

But he’s not supposed to be here, in Alex’s home, late at night.

The man speaks again, interrupting Alex’s thoughts, “Don’t stop undressing on my account, darlin’.”


	2. Chapter 2

Michael Guerin is a menace. That’s the ghost’s name, not that he shared that with Alex. Not that he’s given Alex any information about himself. No, Alex dug it all up on his own.

Michael Guerin. Disappeared three years ago. Isobel Evans chose to sell the place at almost the exact same time Alex went looking for a home. He does remember the ice queen Isobel had been in high school, but he can’t seem to find any information on her connection to this Michael Guerin. Unless it’s the obvious, but the information he’s found on Michael Guerin doesn’t make him sound like Isobel’s type.

From what he’s found, Michael Guerin grew up in foster care, bounced around from home to home, primarily in Albuquerque. He was his high school's valedictorian and went on to graduate summa cum laude from the University of New Mexico. After that, he’d entered graduate school. Now he has a doctorate in agricultural engineering. No serious relationships, no children. Absolutely nothing that would explain his disappearance.

The Roswell Sheriff’s Department found no leads and it seems they’ve given up on the case entirely.

And it bugs Alex. He likes puzzles, tends to get lost in them, in fact. And he wants to solve this one. But Michael is being no help. In fact, it seems like he’s actively trying to _prevent_ Alex from learning anything about him.

All Alex wants is to help him find peace. 

Maria says she’ll be by the end of the week to deal with Alex’s ghost problem. And he feels guilty about it, about sending Michael off with no one who loves him knowing what happened to him. He wants to do something for the dead man, even if he is a pain in Alex’s ass.

And that’s the worst of it. Worse than the singing off key at the top of his lungs whenever Alex tries to do any research (yesterday was a truly horrific attempt at Whitney Houston’s cover of _I Will Always Love You_ ). Worse than the constant pacing. Worse than the unfairly sexy smirk he has on his face whenever he tells a joke that makes Alex blush.

The worst of it is that Michael is a _flirt_. He may stay out of Alex’s bedroom and the bathroom when Alex is in there, but he still spends plenty of time making all kinds of remarks that make Alex’s head spin. It's almost like he finds Alex _attractive_. It's almost enough to make him hope that someone could _want_ him. Someday. From comments about how strong his arms look and Michael saying he’s pretty sure Alex could bench press him to an actual ode to Alex’s ass, it’s too much for him to take. He wants it to be _real_. From a man who actually does _want_ him. Not just this ghost who is trying to find the best way to annoy the shit out of him.

And the worst thing of all is that Alex knows he’ll never have that. He’ll never even be able to pursue something like it. Not with someone like Michael. Maybe when he was younger, maybe before all the things war took from him. But now? No. Michael is definitely trying to annoy him.

* * *

Maria barges into his home on Saturday afternoon with two giant dishes filled with food and a bag full of all of her witchy things.

“Maria, you didn’t need to-”

“Alex Manes, don’t you dare!” she cuts him off with a big smile on her face. “This one is from me,” she gestures at the top dish that looks suspiciously like one of his favorite meals Mimi would make when he came to visit. He spent a lot of his teen years at the Deluca's, seeking out the love and affection he never had at his own home. Mimi was more of a mother to him than his own ever was and Maria was the sibling he wishes he had.

Maria sets the dish on the counter and follows it with the second, “And this is from Arturo. It’s not much, but-”

“Maria,” Alex cuts off, already forcing back tears. He doesn’t know how he managed to deserve a friend like her, “It’s amazing.”

She shrugs, setting down her purse and letting him put the food away. “I’ll be back with more next weekend. And don’t you dare suggest you pay me. I saw what you did to the Wild Pony website. As annoying as the tourists are, they did find it and they do tip _very_ well. Most of them even pay for readings. I tell them my great-grandmother was an alien and that's why I'm psychic. They eat that shit right up,” she grins mischievously.

Alex laughs at that, happy that he’s managed to help her somewhat. Now he just has to see what he can do for the Ortechos. He’s well aware Arturo has more than enough of his own concerns and can’t afford to spend his time or money on feeding Alex either.

“Now, tell me about this ghost of yours,” Maria interrupts his thoughts, already setting out her things.

Alex glances over at Michael who is standing in a corner, arms crossed over his chest and rolling his eyes.

“I don’t know how he died,” Alex tells her quickly. “Just that he went missing. I, um, I don’t know that the authorities were overly invested in finding his body.” He feels uncomfortable, sharing all of this with Maria. Like it’s not his to share. It isn’t. But he just hopes she can help.

Maria frowns at that, “Does he have any family?”

“Grew up in foster care. It looks like he was close to Isobel Evans. I know how you feel about her,” he says quickly before Maria can comment. He knows bits and pieces about their rivalry in the past, but not why it continued into adulthood. “I’d guess he probably knew Max Evans as well.”

“That’s a fair assumption,” Maria says. “The twins are practically attached at the hip.” She’s putting a crystal into place when she asks, “So, was your genius boning the ice queen then?”

Michael makes an audible gagging sound and Alex instantly jerks his head to look at him.

“Doesn’t seem like it, no,” Alex answers for Michael.

“So Isobel Evans made friends with some random nerd out of the goodness of her own heart?” Maria sounds incredulous.

“Probably was friends with Max first, huh?” Alex responds with a smile. That makes more sense. Max Evans did spend a lot of time in the library when they were all growing up.

Maria straightens up, meeting Alex’s eyes, “Ready whenever you are.”

And, suddenly, Alex isn’t sure about this. “This won’t hurt him, will it?” As obnoxious as Michael is, he’s a person. And, really, Alex may not understand _why_ Michael is behaving the way he is, but Alex _does_ have personal experience with not having control over his own life. So he can relate to acting out.

Maria’s smile is soft when she says, “No, it won’t. It will just help him find peace.”

Alex nods, ignoring Michael’s rolling eyes and skeptical commentary, saying, “Okay.”

So Maria gets started.

* * *

Maria has finished the ritual and Michael is just standing there, looking at her incredulously, “I could have told you that wouldn’t work.”

“He’s still here, isn’t he?” Maria asks, sounding tired, like whatever she tried took a lot out of her. Alex doesn’t know about a lot of this stuff, but he has seen Maria’s psychic abilities in action.

“Yeah, he is,” Alex confirms, guiding her over to his couch and moving to the kitchen to make her some tea.

“I’ve never encountered a spirit like this one,” she calls from the living room as he moves around the kitchen. “His tether to this world is so strong. I think you’re going to have to sever it if you want him to leave.”

Alex winces at that word. “Will that hurt him?”

“Think of it as resolving things for him. Helping him to move on.”

Alex furrows his brow, but focuses on the tea. Michael hasn’t exactly told him _not_ to help him move on, but he’s made it pretty clear he doesn’t want Alex digging into his personal life. He knows he should have respected that, no matter how he justifies his actions to himself.

If he’s going to help Michael find peace, he’s going to need his help. Or, at the very least, his willing participation. So that means that, as much as Alex hates being out of control, it’s entirely up to Michael. And he’ll just have to find a way to deal with it. But, first, he knows he needs to make peace with Michael.

* * *

“I’m sorry,” Alex says after Maria leaves, locking the door. “I shouldn’t have dug into your life without your permission. I shouldn’t have told that stuff to Maria. And… If you don’t want to move on… That’s up to you.” Alex will find a way to live with Michael's presence. He's lived with far worse than an obnoxiously flirty cowboy ghost.

Michael looks younger than Alex has seen him before, eyes wide in disbelief, “You bought this place. You sure you don’t want to get rid of me?”

Alex sighs, making his way to the couch, leaning heavily on his crutch. His leg and hip ache after so long trying to pretend like he was okay for Maria. “Can we make a deal?” he asks as he lowers himself to sit on the dark gray sofa, fingers tracing patterns in the fabric while he continues, “If I stop looking into things without your permission and I, um, try to make this place as comfortable for you as possible, maybe get some audiobooks or leave the TV on a channel you like or set up some podcasts to play or something… Do you think you could stop with the loud singing while I work? And maybe stop pretending to flirt with me?”

Michael opens his mouth like he wants to argue about something, but then he closes it after a moment, “Could you put on Mythbusters for me?”

Alex turns on his TV and pulls up Mythbusters on Hulu, setting it to start and making sure it will autoplay before heaving himself to his feet, trying and failing to hide the pained noise as he makes his way to the kitchen. He’d been looking forward to the food Maria had brought but, right now, he has about enough energy for a couple of pieces of toast. And only because he needs to eat to take his pills.


	3. Chapter 3

Alex sighs when his phone goes off with yet another text. He knows it’s Maria. No one else even bothers to talk to him. Soon, she’ll probably give up on him too. He doesn’t know if he hopes she does or dreads it happening.

“You know you’ll have to answer her sooner or later,” Michael comments. It’s been a week since Maria tried to send him packing and things have been more comfortable than Alex could ever have imagined living with anyone being. Not to mention living with a ghost. Michael gives him space for the most part, but he seems to sense when Alex needs someone to talk to. Even when he wishes he didn’t. Like now.

Alex sighs in response, “She wants me to go to lunch or something with some of our friends from back in high school. I don’t know how to be who they want me to be. The boy I was back then? He’s long gone. And I don’t think they’ll like who I’ve become,” he admits.

“Who have you become?” Michael asks, lowering himself to sit on the other end of the couch. Alex doesn’t understand how he seems to be able to sit or lean on things but not pick them up, but he might as well accept the strange reality he’s living in.

“I was in the Air Force,” Alex says softly. “Joined up after high school. And the things I had to do over there…” He takes a deep, calming breath before saying, “You do what you’re told. You follow orders, even if you know it’s-” He forces himself to look at Michael before saying, “I’ve killed people. So many innocent people. And I was good at it. I killed fathers, brothers, husbands, sons… Women and children.” He looks down at the floor, “They talk about acceptable casualties. Like there’s a number of people it’s okay to kill if you get what you want. And what you want-” He stops himself. There are some things he shouldn’t talk about, even with a ghost. “If I were them, I wouldn’t want to know the person I’ve become.”

Michael doesn’t respond. Not that Alex had expected him to. Even the ghost in his home who, for some reason, can only talk to him is disgusted by him. He doesn’t blame him.

Alex returns his attention to his work. He’s ahead of things and he wants to stay that way, in case something comes up. In case someone needs him. At least that’s what he likes to tell himself. In truth, he knows that he just doesn’t have much else in his life right now.

It’s almost an hour later when Michael speaks, “You should eat something, you know.” Alex looks at the clock to find it’s slightly after noon. “And, for the record,” Michael says when Alex doesn’t respond, “What you’ve had to do is not who you are. I’ve met people who _enjoyed_ doing exactly what you’ve talked about. You’re not like them. Not at all.”

Alex isn’t sure he believes Michael, but he thanks him anyway. He picks up his phone, finally reading Maria’s text. He quickly types in a response that, yes, he’d love to have lunch at The Crashdown with her, Rosa, and Liz on Saturday. At least it’s somewhere familiar. He can handle that. Or he can try, anyway.

* * *

Lunch is awkward at first. Liz doesn’t seem to know how to deal with him and he tries to make light of it, but it _hurts_ to know his friends don’t know how to act around him. Not that he was expecting anything else.

Maria quickly changes the subject from his service to what she calls ‘his ghost’ and Liz just looks at him like she’s concerned about his mental health. In truth, he had been worried about the same thing at first, but now that he’s found proof of who Michael is and knows that this isn’t someone he ever met before, well… He’s certain he’s real.

Rosa, however, is fascinated, asking question after question about Michael. Or, more accurately, what Alex thinks about Michael. He doesn’t know how to answer her questions, really, so he’s grateful when the subject changes to how Rosa’s tattoo and piercing parlor is doing. “If you ever want some ink, I can give you the friends and family discount,” Rosa offers.

He just shakes his head, focusing on Rosa’s work stories, the talk about how her and Liz’s father is doing, the fact that Liz is working on a study at the local hospital.

“Can you believe that she’s working with Kyle Valenti?” Rosa asks. Alex groans dramatically like he knows she expects him to at the mention of his former best friend turned high school bully.

“Hey!” Liz objects. “He’s changed. I mean, I’m not going to start dating him or anything, but the guy did catch Papi’s diabetes.” She turns to Alex to explain, “Kyle’s been spending his free time giving checkups and health care to undocumented people.”

“He does seem to have changed,” Maria admits. “Even if he’s dating Isobel Evans.”

Alex perks up at that, but they quickly move on when Rosa rolls her eyes and says, “You’re dating a cop! You’ve got to get over the fact that I dated Isobel after we broke up.”

“You’re dating a cop?” Alex asks, turning to Maria, wondering why she hadn’t shared this with him. If he’d been too focused on himself to notice what was going on with her.

“It’s new,” Maria blushes. Alex hasn’t seen her blush like that since high school. Since Rosa. “We met when she came to haul some drunken idiots out of the Wild Pony.”

Alex pushes for more and Maria ends up sharing the full story with him. How, when her mom disappeared, Jenna worked day and night to find her, even when she was off the clock. How she’s been Maria’s shoulder to cry on with all of it. “Her sister is missing or off the grid or something, so I think she gets it,” Maria tells them. “We’ve only been dating for a month or so, but she makes me happy.”

Alex is certain that, if anyone deserves happiness, it’s Maria. She’s so kind to everyone, even Isobel, as much as they dislike each other. If Alex is honest with himself, he might not have made it home without Maria’s friendship. So he’s happy she finally has found someone who gives her what she gives to everyone else.

* * *

Alex is saying his goodbyes and turning to walk away from his friends, when he almost literally runs into Isobel Evans.

She looks so similar to how she did in high school, tall, blonde, and effortlessly put together. But now there’s a smile on her face that he’s never seen before, warm and kind. “Alex Manes,” she says, “I was hoping I’d see you at some point.”

He’d only dealt with her through a real estate agent when he was buying the house, but he supposes she knows it’s him who bought it, “Yeah, um, the house is great. It’s exactly what I was looking for.”

“It even has a hot, flirty ghost!” Rosa offers with a grin, leaning over the counter.

Isobel looks confused and concerned for a moment, but then it’s gone, hidden behind a professional looking expression. Gone is the smile from earlier. “I’m organizing the Veteran’s Drive-In event and I wanted to see if you’d speak at it? I know it’s a big ask, but I do think our hometown hero could bring in some great donations for the VA.”

“I’m not a hero,” he answers quickly, softly.

“Oh, I thought-” Isobel looks uncertain for a moment before she recovers, “Well, I hope you’ll at least consider attending. It would mean a lot.”

“I’ll think about it,” he replies, forcing a fake smile. Lunch at the Crashdown, surrounded by people who care about him, even if they don’t really know him anymore is one thing. Going to some event where his father will be throwing his might and status around? Where everyone else will be thanking him for his service, for all the blood on his hands? All while they look at him with pity, thinking their glances at his leg are subtle? Well, Alex doesn’t think he’s up for that.

“That’s all I’m asking,” she grins, looking more certain all of a sudden. “Maybe I could buy you a coffee sometime? You could tell me about this ghost of yours.”

“I’ll let you know,” he lies quickly. “I’ve got to go, but it was nice to see you.” He turns around as fast as he can with the combination of the crutch and the prosthetic he’s still getting used to and rushes out to his SUV.

He climbs in and locks the doors before taking a deep breath and letting his head fall back against the headrest, eyes closed, trying to get his panic back under control.

When his breathing is finally even again, Alex starts his car and heads home, well aware he’s going to have to talk about this with Michael, but unsure how to broach the subject.

* * *

Alex has barely opened the door when Michael looks up at him from the couch. “How was lunch?” He looks hopeful and so beautiful, with a sweet smile on his face. Alex hates the fact that he’ll have to ruin it. But he takes a breath and sits down.

“I ran into Isobel,” he puts it out there without preamble, watching and waiting for Michael’s reaction. Michael’s honey-colored eyes widen with what looks almost like fear, but Alex continues, hoping to get it over with as quickly as possible. “Rosa mentioned that I, um, have a ghost. Not you by name. Not anything about you specifically,” he’s quick to reassure Michael. “But Isobel wants to talk to me. About you. Or ‘my ghost’, anyway.”

Michael isn’t looking at him now, eyes looking at, or, more accurately, _past_ the television.

“I know you don’t want to tell her, but I think she deserves closure. I mean, as far as she knows, the man she loves could still be out there. And, yeah, she’s trying to move on and I know you don’t want to hear that, but-”

“Isobel wasn’t my girlfriend,” Michael interrupts him quickly. “It wasn’t like that. She’s more important to me than that. But nothing like _that._ ”

Alex sits still, watching and waiting for Michael to elaborate.

But, of course, he doesn't. “Please, just leave it. If she finds out about me, she’ll go looking and I can’t- She’s safer not knowing, okay? Please don’t tell her. Just leave it be, just pretend it’s some stupid joke, just don’t tell her about me, okay? I’ll do anything,” his voice is starting to rise in pitch, words spilling out faster, breath that he doesn’t technically have rushed and panicked, “I’ll leave you alone, I’ll figure out a way to disappear so you don’t ever have to deal with me again, just please don’t-”

Alex reaches toward him without thinking, wishing he could stop him, could hug him and promise him that he’ll make sure everything’s okay. But then he remembers. He can’t touch Michael. So, instead, he speaks, “I won’t. You don’t have to leave.” He doesn’t mention that he actually likes having Michael here, how comforting it is to have someone to distract him when he needs it, someone who reminds him to eat, who pushes him to take care of himself. He just wishes he could do the same for Michael. He wishes he could do anything for him. “Stay. I’ll… I won’t talk to her. If she brings it up, I’ll just say that Maria thinks this place is haunted, okay? Isobel would never take her seriously.”

Michael’s eyes are still wild, but his breathing has slowed some, “Are you sure?”

Alex nods, placing his hand palm down on the couch between them. If he could feel Michael, his pinky would just be brushing Michael’s jeans. Instead, he can’t feel anything but the couch, the fabric far softer than Michael’s jeans would be. “I don’t know what happened, but I want to help you. Even if that means just keeping my silence. Please just stay. And let me help you.”

"Why are you being so nice to me?" Michael asks.

Alex pauses, trying to find an explanation, before settling on, “When I was younger, before I went off to war, I used to just be nice to people for no reason. I want to be that person again. So, I guess, because I can be. Because I want to be.”


	4. Chapter 4

Ever since Alex mentioned talking to Isobel, Michael has been avoiding him. He wouldn’t think that possible, considering Michael is stuck in a house with him, but he somehow manages it. 

Alex misses the comfort of Michael’s voice, the jokes he tells, the comments about things Alex will never understand because he hasn’t taken advanced science classes. He misses the way he’d taken to humming under his breath sometimes and the way his voice always went soft when he said goodnight.

But Alex stays true to his word, not looking into Michael’s life anymore and not reaching out to Isobel. Instead, he stops by the assisted living facility where Mimi Deluca is staying and checks in on her, trying his best to be kind about the way he reminds her he’s gay when she tries to set him up with Maria.

He visits Maria and meets Jenna Cameron, who seems entirely smitten and solicitous in a way that he’s certain Maria deserves. He stops by Rosa’s tattoo parlor and turns down her offer of a tattoo, instead just talking to her between customers about the website he’s set up for her, showing her how to change anything she likes about the design.

He visits Liz at the hospital lab and smiles at the way she talks about things he doesn’t understand. It reminds him of Michael. That is, he smiles until Kyle Valenti walks in, looking perfectly happy and relaxed.

“Alex!” Kyle sounds surprised to see him. “I was hoping I’d see you around. Isobel said she sold a friend’s place to you and I-” he looks uncomfortable for just a moment, face turning more serious. “I wanted to apologize. I was a dick in high school. I don’t know why I-”

“I’m gay,” Alex answers for him, tone even, cold. “You didn’t want people to think you were.”

“I’m sorry.”

Alex doesn’t brush it off or forgive him, simply keeping his gaze steady. He knows maybe he should forgive. He’s done worse, after all. It wasn’t the bullying that truly hurt though. It was that Kyle had been his best friend before it all.

Kyle looks unsettled, but, to his credit, he doesn’t leave. Instead, he says, “I’d like to buy you a drink sometime. Maybe we could talk?”

“Maybe,” Alex allows, turning his attention to Liz. “I have to go. I’ll see you later?”

She just grins at him and gives him a hug before returning her attention to her work.

Alex walks past Kyle, completely ignoring him, and heads out the door.

* * *

Alex is trying to give Michael the space he needs, but it’s isolating. He should be used to being alone. He’s been alone all his life, even in a crowded room. Even in the barracks with so many other men, Alex felt alone. He tells himself he should have known better than to get used to actually having someone around who made him feel less alone.

Work and his friends keep him busy. They all have their own drama that keeps him distracted from his own problems.

But then, one day, almost two weeks after he ran into Isobel, he doesn’t have anything to do. No distractions from work or friends. Everyone is busy.

He tries to read, but he can’t focus on the words in front of his eyes. It’s a high pain day and he’s having trouble focusing, but he doesn’t want to take the pills he probably should. He hates the way they make his mind fuzzy and make him sleepy. He doesn’t feel safe taking them when he’s entirely alone. Not even with all the security he’s set up around his home. He isn’t certain he’d wake up fast enough if he needed to.

He knows he should take his prosthetic off, but he still doesn’t feel comfortable taking it off around people, even Michael. Even if Michael wouldn’t see it anyway, as he only takes it off in the bathroom or his bedroom.

So, instead, he picks up his guitar, trying to focus on the music. It’s easier than reading. He can just close his eyes and feel it. It’s not like it matters if it sounds good.

When he opens his eyes, Michael is standing there, watching him, eyes sad.

Alex doesn’t speak for fear he’ll disappear again.

“I miss playing the guitar,” Michael’s voice is soft. “There are always so many things going on in my mind. It’s chaotic and… Kinda overwhelming. But the guitar always helped. Slowed things down, made them quiet.”

Alex doesn’t reply, just strums carefully and watches the way Michael’s entire body seems to relax and the way he closes his eyes. 

Michael doesn’t say anything about where he was or why, so Alex takes a while to figure out what he wants to say. And then, finally, he speaks, “Just so you know, I’m not going to talk to Isobel without your permission. I wish I could help, but, if you don’t want me to…” he trails off. As selfish as it is, he’ll do what he needs to in order to make sure Michael doesn’t leave again.

“You do help, Alex,” Michael says softly. “Before you were here, I was alone. I like that I’m not alone anymore. I like that _you're_ here. It does help.”

Alex tells himself he’s just going to have to try to let that be enough.

* * *

Things settle into an easy rhythm after that. Alex wakes up early, an old habit from his time in the Air Force, does his PT, showers, and dresses, taking the time to put on his prosthetic, even though he doesn’t leave his home most days. Then it’s coffee, breakfast, and pills. Followed by work.

Michael usually reminds him to eat lunch, but Alex doesn’t work as late as he used to, turning off his laptop around five. Most days, Michael talks him through cooking dinner. Before Michael, Alex could cook the basics, but he usually just grabbed whatever was easiest. His therapist would probably say it has something to do with his low self worth. But, with Michael, he _enjoys_ it. He enjoys the gentle teasing and the careful instruction, the close attention Michael pays to him. And, really, if he’s honest with himself, _that’s_ it. It’s Michael’s kindness to him and the fact that Michael seems to enjoy it, even if he can’t eat, cook, or even smell the food himself.

They stick to talking about little things, subjects they both know are relatively safe. Some days it’s Michael’s work, things Alex couldn’t possibly keep up with, but he enjoys the way Michael’s eyes light up when he talks. Other days it’s what Alex can share about his work. Michael always seems impressed with it, even if he is the truly impressive one.

Today, it’s Alex’s friends.

“I’ve sort of met Maria, but what are the rest of them like?” Michael asks. He’s leaning over Alex’s shoulder as he stirs and, if he were alive, Alex is certain he’d feel Michael’s breath on the back of his neck. He still shivers like he feels it.

“Rosa and Liz are sisters,” Alex starts. “Rosa is two years older than us. She watched out for me when we were kids, even though she was struggling with a lot of things. She’s doing a lot better now. She’s clean and sober and runs a tattoo and piercing studio.”

“The one by the UFO Emporium?” Michael asks, interrupting him. Like there’s more than one tattoo parlor in Roswell.

Alex nods. “That’s the one.”

“Add a bit more broth and keep stirring,” Michael instructs him before returning to the subject of Rosa. “I’ve been in there. Not for me, but with Max. She’s fierce.” Alex can tell by his tone of voice that it’s admiring, rather than intimidated.

“Liz is much more put together. And a genius. She’d probably actually understand your work,” Alex glances back at Michael with a grin.

“If I could actually show you what I’m talking about, you’d get it,” Michael insists, with a smile, pointing at the pan.

Alex returns his attention to the stove as he speaks, “Liz is a biomedical engineer.”

“And that Kyle guy she works with?” Michael asks.

Alex is careful to avoid the subject of Isobel and that particular landmine. “He’s a surgeon now, I guess. He was my best friend when we were little. Our dads were close, so we spent a lot of time together. But then, when we got a bit older, when it became obvious that I’m gay, that ended. Kyle turned into the typical jock from a bad ‘80s movie.”

“He made your life miserable,” Michael says in little more than a whisper.

“No,” Alex answers. “I mean, kind of. But my dad is the one who made my life miserable. Kyle was just one of the people who was supposed to help make it better. Instead, he made it all worse.”

Michael doesn’t respond to that, merely talking him through finishing cooking.

Alex finally picks the subject up again while he’s washing the dishes. “Kyle is trying to be better. And maybe I should let him. I mean, what he did sucked, but it’s been a decade. And I’ve done far worse things than he has. I want to be able to change. So maybe I should accept that he gets to too.”

Michael is silent for a while. And, when he speaks, he changes the subject, “Isobel is my sister. Or, I guess, the closest thing I have to one. We were in a group home together until the Evanses came in one day and adopted Max and Isobel. They’re good people. I probably just smelled like trouble.”

Alex frowns down at the sink. He doesn’t remember how old he was when Max and Isobel moved to Roswell, but he’s certain he was younger than ten.

Alex is about to point out that Michael was just a child, when Michael continues, “I didn’t see Isobel and Max again until I was eighteen. Went looking for them the summer after I graduated from high school. And I was just so relieved they had an easier time.”

“Michael-”

“So, your dad was a douche, huh?”

Alex closes his eyes, pushing back tears for the child who was made to believe he wasn’t wanted. For the man who still seems to believe he’s not wanted. Alex knows exactly what that’s like and he also knows Michael deserves so much better. His voice is rough when he says, “My dad hated me. Hates me.”

“Because you’re gay?” Michael asks. And, out of most people’s mouths, that would be like a slap to the face. But Michael’s tone is gentle and understanding. Kind.

“That’s one of the reasons, yeah,” Alex answers. “Because I’m gay. Because I look like my mom. Because I’m not his idea of a man. Because I tried to be myself instead of who he wanted me to be. Even if I failed and ended up just another Manes man.”

“Because you’re not like him,” Michael breathes.

Alex just shrugs, drying his final dish and putting it away. He turns around to face Michael.

Michael’s face is open, his expression something Alex can’t quite put a finger on, just knows it makes him feel warm and settled inside. “I know it doesn’t matter, but I like who you are.”

Alex wants to reach out, wants to step into Michael’s space, wants to press his lips against Michael’s. But he can’t. So, instead, he has to find the words. And, finally, he speaks. “It does matter. And I like who you are too.”

* * *

When Alex gets up the next morning, he’s certain Michael is avoiding him. He doesn’t get so much as a glimpse of him while he’s going about his usual morning routine.

He tries not to take it personally, tells himself that Michael may just be processing things. He’ll come back and talk to Alex when he’s ready. But it still hurts.

He throws himself into his work, not letting in any distraction. It’s easier than thinking about Michael.

He works through lunch, not even noticing that it’s passed. In fact, he doesn’t notice how late it is until the sun starts to set.

He turns off his laptop and sets it aside, letting out a sigh of relief when he sees that Michael is in the kitchen, waiting for him. Alex is tempted to say that he missed him this morning, but he is well aware Michael doesn’t owe him anything. He’s just happy to see him again.

He pushes himself to his feet, reaching for his cane and making his way to the kitchen, muscles sore from being in one position all day.

“I know that look,” Michael says, tone surprisingly light. “Maybe it’s a frozen pizza night?”

“Sounds perfect,” Alex replies with a smile, starting the oven and leaning against the counter, scrubbing his hands over his face and failing to fight off a yawn.

They talk about silly little things while Alex waits for the pizza to be done. They argue about the best pizza toppings and whether Star Wars or Star Trek is the better series. And Michael admits to him that, while he saw bits of Star Trek on the TV in one of the foster homes he was in, he’s never seen Star Wars. So Alex insists on putting on A New Hope while he eats.

Alex is leaning back on the couch, finally comfortable, halfway through his second slice of pizza, when Michael looks away from the screen and asks, “Why aren’t you looking for another place?”

Alex hesitates before trying to make his response sound lighter than it is, “Can’t wait to be rid of me?”

Michael shakes his head, looking down at the floor, “More wondering why it’s not the opposite. I can’t imagine you _wanted_ a haunted house.”

Alex rolls his eyes at the description, picturing something out of a scary movie, not something that feels like _home_ the way this place does, but he takes his time to find the right answer. Finally, he sets his plate down on the coffee table, turning to Michael. “You were alone for a long time, right? Three years?” When Michael nods, he continues, “I don’t know what it’s like to be without human contact completely, but I’ve spent most of my life feeling like I’m alone. Even when I’ve been with friends, I still feel isolated.” Alex turns to look forward, toward the door, not sure if he can look at Michael while he says this, not wanting to pressure him further. “I think… I try to imagine what it feels like to have a family that makes you feel like you belong. I wish I could give that back to you. But,” he takes a deep breath, letting it out. “I’m not going to leave you here alone again just because you don’t want my help with moving on.” He takes another deep breath, trying to prepare himself to tell the truth, “And I like having you here. I don’t know that I’ve ever felt like I can be myself with someone else before.”

Michael is silent for so long that Alex is second-guessing his decision to share when Michael finally speaks, “I’m an alien. Or, I guess, I was an alien.”

“There was nothing about immigration in your-”

“Not undocumented. Outer space. And I know what you think,” Michael stops Alex from what he’d been about to say. “I’m not fucking with you. But I can’t prove it. Not as a ghost. Isobel can. Or Max can.”

Michael starts explaining, each detail sounding more fantastical than the last. And, surprisingly, Alex believes him. After ghosts, aliens aren’t really much of a leap. And Michael doesn’t sound like he’s lying.

Finally, he gets to the end of his story, telling Alex about looking for people like him and for parts of his ship. “I was looking into this old prison with weird heat signatures. Heat signatures that looked like mine. And I guess I wasn’t as careful as I should have been. Because they caught me. Managed to stifle my powers and lock me up. They, um, they put a tracker in me. Thought I didn’t notice, probably. And they…”

Alex is certain he’s trying to figure out how to avoid telling him about the atrocities they committed. He doesn’t have to be told about them to be able to guess what they did. He knows too well what people are capable of.

Michael continues, “Eventually, I was the last one there. Alive, anyway. And, one day, I escaped. Cut the tracker out so they couldn’t follow me. But, I guess the stuff they did to me made me sick. I couldn’t make it to Isobel or Max. Wouldn’t have wanted to bring my problems to them even if I could.” And then, suddenly, Michael turns and his warm eyes are on Alex’s. “I made it to the pods I mentioned. Managed to get in one. I thought maybe it would heal me. Or at least keep me in stasis. But I guess I was just too far gone.”

Alex wants to reach out and take his hand. He wishes he could offer some comfort, other than empty words. But he has nothing to give.

“Would you mind telling Isobel? I know it’s a lot to ask and she’ll probably try to get into your head, but-”

Alex is quick to answer, “Of course I will.” He tries not to look too hard at all the ways he’s willing to make himself vulnerable for Michael, to let someone else see all the awful things that he’s been witness to or, worse, done.


	5. Chapter 5

Isobel is already seated, coffee in front of her, when Alex walks into Bean Me Up. She looks impeccable, as always, in a pair of blue jeans and a flowing top, hair pulled back from her face. She smiles when she sees him, but it doesn’t look real. Alex is used to looking for that, usually from his father. The fake smile that meant punishment was coming, but never in public. Isobel’s smile isn’t threatening though, just fake.

He takes a breath and reminds himself that, based on everything Michael said, Isobel is hiding in plain sight. Alex knows a little bit about that. He waits for his coffee before making his way over to her, trying to decide how to start.

“I’m glad you reached out to me,” Isobel says, tone professional. “I’d hoped you’d reconsider speaking at the Drive-In benefit.”

“I actually wanted to talk to you about what Rosa said? About my home being haunted?”

Isobel’s smile falters for a second before she says, “I can put you in touch with the real estate agent I used, of course, but I believe you already have her contact information.”

“I don’t want to sell,” Alex replies evenly. “I wanted to talk because it’s Michael. He asked me to-”

“I don’t know how you-” she starts, looking terrified for just a moment. And then her expression turns cold, reminding him of the ice queen he was aware of in high school. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She stands, reaches for her coffee, is ready to walk out, when he reaches out his hand, not quite touching her, just out of reach on the counter. “He told me, Isobel. And I’m not going to do anything that could hurt you. Either one of you. I just wanted to give you answers.”

She’s silent for a moment, looking him in the eyes, as if she’s measuring him. And then he blinks and she suddenly looks like she’s just finished a particularly strenuous workout. Tired, but with a look of wonder on her face.

He’s trying to put it together, what happened, how she changed so instantly. But, before he can, she speaks, “I want you to take me to see him.”

* * *

“I like what you’ve done with the place,” Isobel comments when she steps into his home, looking around. “Your taste has improved significantly since high school. Though, if you want some fashion advice, I’m sure I can help you find something more interesting than whatever you call that look,” she waves at his blue button-down shirt and tan pants.

“What was your taste like in high school?” Michael asks. Alex is certain he’s trying to sound normal and teasing, but he actually sounds like he’s struggling with the emotions that come with seeing Isobel.

“Michael is asking what my taste was like in high school,” Alex tells Isobel.

Isobel raises an eyebrow at him and turns to where Alex gestures, eyes not quite where Michael is. “Alex was tragically emo. The eyeliner, the nailpolish, tons of jewelry…”

Michael looks from Isobel to Alex, gaze heated, “Teenage me would have had the biggest crush on teenage you.”

Alex can feel his face heating up, is certain a blush is spreading across his face, giving him away.

“That’s definitely my brother,” Isobel comments, eyes on Alex. “He’s dead and he still can’t stop flirting.”

Isobel’s expression changes for just a moment and then they’re somewhere else entirely. Him, her, and Michael.

Alex looks around, up at the night sky, the stars, around Fosters’ Ranch, empty of people. And then he turns to Isobel, straightening his spine, “Where are we?”

“We’re in Michael’s mind,” Isobel replies calmly. “I could see him when I hopped into yours. This way, we can all communicate.”

“Michael’s mind? Does that mean…”

Isobel opens up her mouth to speak, but Michael gets there first, stepping between Isobel and Alex, “It means I still have some brain function.”

“It means we can bring you back,” Isobel says.

“Maybe," Michael replies. Alex can see him trying to fight off that urge to hope. He understands, knows what it’s like to have a life in which nothing good seems to happen, in which you learn to expect the worst. In which hope slowly dies.

“First, we need to know exactly what happened,” Alex says, spine straightening, going for his soldier mode, allowing himself to simplify this by treating it like a mission. “Can you describe what they did to you in greater detail?”

“Show us,” Isobel commands.

Moments later, the three of them are standing in an old prison, in a hall, cells on each side of them, almost all of them empty. All but one.

Michael is there, locked in a cell. Or a past version of Michael. He looks thinner than Alex’s Michael, likely malnourished, listless. There are bruises on his arms that, to Alex’s far too experienced eye, look like someone was too rough, probably with a syringe. His normally beautiful curls are tangled and matted.

Alex wishes there was something he could do to make this better. Instead, he knows he’ll do whatever it takes to get Michael back, healthy and whole. He’ll fight death itself if he needs to.

Alex hears footsteps coming their way and reminds himself that he doesn’t need to hide. This is a memory. No one can see them.

That doesn’t mean he isn’t startled when an all-to-familiar man walks into sight.

“Arm,” Alex’s oldest brother, Clay, says, tone brusque.

Michael holds his arm through a slot in the door without objection. Without a snarky aside. That, more than anything, tells Alex exactly how much they’ve done to him.

He watches as Clay jabs him in the arm with the needle none too gently, watches as the drug hits Michael’s system, making his pupils dilate, his movements slower and less coordinated.

Clay opens the door, steps inside, slams Michael face-first against the wall, before cuffing him. Alex knew Clay had been an ass when Alex was little, but he’d also hoped that his brother was doing what it took to survive their father. That every time he shoved Alex into a wall or hit him like their father did was just his way of surviving. Make Jesse Manes happy and he’d leave him alone. It didn’t matter if he turned all of his rage toward Alex. Clay wanted to survive. He wanted their father to be proud of him. Alex can understand that, even if he hadn’t done the same. Alex had hoped that distance from their father would have changed his brother. But this… Alex doesn’t want to believe his brother has turned into this.

Alex bites down on the inside of his cheek to keep himself from reacting as he watches Clay manhandle Michael, certain that Michael will mistake it for pity. And he knows he wouldn’t want that.

Isobel looks like she’s going to be sick.

Only Michael appears unaffected. But Alex knows how deceiving appearances can be.

Alex, Michael, and Isobel follow Michael’s memory down a hall until Clay drags Michael into another room. It’s bright, almost too bright after the rest of the prison was so gloomy and dark, and Michael is shoved onto a gleaming metal table. Clay and another man strap him down quickly, roughly, and Alex wants nothing more than to step in, step between Michael and them. But this is merely a memory. He’s powerless.

And then he hears a far too familiar voice, “Give the subject the serum.”

Alex doesn’t have to turn to know who it is, but he can’t help but look.

Jesse Manes, Alex’s father, is standing there, icy blue eyes as cold as always.

Alex feels like everything is too hot one moment and freezing cold the next, noise coming at him like he’s hearing it from underwater. He curses his own weakness. He needs to be strong for Michael, all he needs to do is bear witness to this, see if there are any clues that can help them. He _needs_ to hold it together. There’s no time for falling apart.

He feels like he’s watching from outside his body as someone in a lab coat sticks a needle in Michael’s arm. He watches as they free him from the table, Clay dragging Michael back toward his cell. He watches as Michael somehow breaks free of Clay and runs.

It seems like everything slows down as Michael makes it to a door, throwing it open without touching it. And then down another hall, through the maze that is the building until he is outside into the moonlight. He watches as Michael runs toward the fences, climbing them as fast as he can and landing on the other side.

Michael doesn’t stop running until long after he’s out of sight of the building.

The next thing Alex knows, he’s in a cave with Isobel, Michael, and the past version of Michael. Past Michael’s arm is bleeding from a deep cut, likely to remove the tracker. He’s pale and sweaty, looking deathly ill.

There’s a giant, glowing, egg-shaped object that would have confirmed Michael’s story about aliens to Alex if he didn’t already believe him.

A basin of what looks like melted silver is next to him and Alex focuses on Michael’s face as he strips down and coats his body in it, stopping more than once to cough up blood.

Finally, after what seems like an eternity, after Alex reaches out a few times, as if he could possibly touch this memory, as if he could hold this Michael upright and help him, Michael stumbles into the egg thing and starts to slide inside of it.

* * *

Alex blinks and he’s back in his home, Michael looking between him and Isobel with concern. Isobel is pale and sweaty, already on the move over to the bathroom, where he can hear her retching.

Michael turns his full attention toward Alex and, really, he doesn’t understand. He should be following Isobel. Instead, Michael looks like he’s worried about Alex. He ushers Alex over to the couch and it’s only when he sits that Alex realizes that he’s still hyperventilating.

He focuses on his breathing until he’s calm enough to speak and Isobel has joined them in the living room, sliding a bottle of nail polish remover out of her purse and taking a large swig.

That, more than the weird powers or the glowing eggs, throws him. Seeing her casually drinking something toxic. But it also gives him something else to focus on until he can handle the big thing.

“You didn’t escape,” Alex tells Michael finally. “They let you go.”

“Why would you think-” Michael starts, only to be interrupted by Isobel, who is unaware that he’s spoken.

“How did you come to that conclusion?”

Alex looks between Isobel and Michael before answering, “My brother took you from that cell. My father was in charge there. I know the way he thinks. The first thing they injected you with blocked your powers, right?” Michael nods, so Alex continues. “It wouldn’t have worn off that fast normally, would it?” When Michael shakes his head, Alex explains, “They gave you a partial dose. Or a diluted one. Just enough so they could give you that second drug, but not enough to keep you from escaping.”

“But I cut out the tracker,” Michael responds.

Alex sighs, trying to find a way to explain his father’s thinking before settling on, “He would have expected you to cut it out. He expected you to get rid of the tracker and go straight to Isobel and Max. He probably doesn’t know who they are, so he was hoping you’d lead him to them. Knowing my father, what he gave you was infectious. I would think it was another tracker, except my father doesn't seem to have found you. He expected you to spread whatever he gave you to Isobel and Max. Maybe he’d capture you all alive, maybe he’d let you all die. I don’t know how much he’d care either way, as long as he’d eliminated you all.”

Isobel is watching Alex warily, but Michael’s expression only grows more concerned.

“If your father and brother are involved in this, how do we know we can trust you?” Isobel asks finally.

“Alex would never-” Michael blurts out, before remembering that Isobel can’t hear him.

Alex just turns between the two of them, Michael hovering over him, Isobel looking between him and the door like she’s considering running.

“You don’t. Not yet,” he answers. “But you can read minds. You can see memories. Go ahead. See how I feel about my father. Ask me whatever you need to know.” The thought of _anyone_ seeing what his father did to him makes _him_ want to run. He knows how he should feel, how he should think about it, but that can’t quite get rid of the shame. But now Alex knows that Michael is alive. And he’ll do whatever he needs to in order to help him. Even if that means letting Isobel Evans see his most painful memories.

Michael looks like he wants to object to Alex’s offer, but Isobel sits down before looking him right in the eye.

What seems like moments later, but was probably much longer, Isobel stands up on shaky legs. “You’ve proven your point, Manes.” When he flinches, her tone softens and she corrects herself with, “Alex. I need to speak with Max about this, but please let me know if you learn anything else?”

Alex nods, “Now that I have an idea where to start, I’ll see what I can find.” And then, when Isobel wobbles again, he pushes himself to his feet, wincing at the pain in his hip and leg, but reaching for his cane anyway. “I’ll drive you home.”

Much to his surprise, Isobel accepts his offer.


	6. Chapter 6

Michael looks terrified, the only lights in the dark room focused on him, strapped to that metal table.

Alex’s father stands above him, scalpel in hand, slicing his skin from sternum to navel. The air smells of copper, of _blood_ , and Alex is frozen to the spot, unable to do anything more than watch his father carve Michael open and stick his hands in his chest.

Alex’s own hands feel wet and, when he lifts them, they’re coated with blood, sticky with it, the scalpel in one hand, Michael’s still-beating heart in the other.

Michael is screaming at him, screaming his name, screaming for help, but all Alex can do is stare at his hands, at what he’s done to the one person he’s ever-

“ALEX!”

Alex’s eyes snap open and he bolts upright in bed, trying desperately to orient himself and then to calm his ragged breathing, his frantic heartbeat.

“ALEX!” he hears again from outside the door.

“I’m okay,” Alex forces himself to call out, voice shaking.

He can hear Michael’s sigh of relief through the door. “You sounded-”

“I’m fine,” Alex lies. He will be soon though. He’s certain of that. As soon as he fixes this. As soon as Michael is healthy and he and his siblings are safe from Alex’s father, from his entire family.

“You’re not,” Michael replies, as if he can read Alex’s thoughts. “Please, Alex, let me-”

“Okay,” Alex replies, forcing himself to breathe. He makes sure his sheets are covering his legs before he continues, “You can come in.” It’s not like he doesn’t know Michael knows about his injury. Or guesses, even if Alex hasn’t told him exactly. But knowing and seeing are two very different things. And Alex isn’t quite ready for the look on Michael’s face when he sees it. He doesn’t know if he ever will be ready for the pity or disgust he’s certain he’ll find there.

Michael walks right through the closed door the instant Alex gives him permission, tension falling away from his shoulders the moment he sets eyes on Alex.

“See?” Alex asks, trying to hide how rattled he was by his nightmare, how real it had felt. It was just a nightmare. The product of trauma. One of many. “I’m fine.”

“That didn’t sound fine, Alex,” Michael’s voice is soft as he makes his way towards him, perching on the edge of the bed. “I’ve had nightmares that probably sounded like that.” He pauses, looking down at the floor before his gaze returns to meet Alex’s. And then he asks, “Was it about your father?”

“Yes. And no.” He’s not sure how to explain it. He’s not certain he wants to. Instead, he tries to force himself to focus on what they learned. Focus on the mission. He can’t quite look at Michael as he says, “I guess we know why I’m the only one who can see you now. My father and brother tried to kill you. If we can’t figure out how to heal you, they have.”

“That’s not why you can see me.” Michael’s voice is soft, his smile even softer, as he says, “I don’t know why you can see me, but I know that’s not it. You’re not your father, Alex. You’re not your brother. You’re brave. And kind. And really fucking hot.”

Alex can feel his face heating up at that. “Isobel was right. You’re a flirt.”

“And you’re nothing like your father,” Michael insists. “I wouldn’t have trusted you with Isobel and Max if you were.”

* * *

Alex gets to work the very next morning, taking the time to carefully track his father’s movements, as well as Clay’s. Neither one is exactly tech savvy and, from the look of things, whatever they’ve been doing, neither the Air Force nor the Army are aware of it. There’s no government funding and, predictably, his father doesn’t seem to understand the necessity, nor the complexity, of network security.

It’s painfully easy to find and access the system, though it looks like they were wise enough not to put any evidence that their subjects were alien in the system. No, it just looks like his father is experimenting on civilians without governmental approval. That is what he’s been doing, but Alex is certain that those in power wouldn’t see past the alien part of it all.

He promises himself he’ll get into all of this more later. He’ll dismantle this program, Project Shepherd, brick by brick if he has to. But first he needs to find out what they injected Michael with and how to reverse its effects. How to save him.

Michael has been hovering since last night and Alex knows he should be bothered by it. He’s not fragile. He doesn’t need to be taken care of. But, if he’s honest with himself, it’s nice to have Michael care about his well-being. He just can’t let himself get used to it. They’ll find a way to save Michael and then he’ll be free to live his life and Alex will be back to where he was before.

He can’t resist the urge to glance up at Michael, who is leaning over his shoulder, reading his screen.

He really is handsome with his thick curls and warm, honey-colored eyes. The slightly crooked nose and all the stubble just add to the sex appeal he has. Alex’s fingers itch to reach up and touch him, to pull him in for a kiss. He wonders if those lips feel as soft as they look, how that hair would feel between his fingers. But, Alex reminds himself, he can’t touch Michael. Even if he could, he doesn’t know that his touch would be welcome. Isobel confirmed that Michael is a flirt. He shouldn’t take it as interest. Once Michael is back and healthy, he’ll be able to flirt with people he’s actually interested in.

He’s about to turn back toward the screen when Michael disappears right from in front of his eyes.

Alex can’t quite believe it. He pushes himself to his feet, looking around the house for Michael, trying to tell himself that it’s not a big deal. Probably a normal ghost thing he’s just never noticed before. But he doesn’t believe it. He just needs to see Michael with his own two eyes. He needs to know that he’s still there, that something didn’t happen.

His cell phone starts to ring and he scrambles back to the coffee table, barely grabbing his phone in time to keep it from going to voicemail, not even bothering to check the caller ID. “Hello?”

“Alex?” It’s Isobel. She sounds scared, and Alex is certain it has to do with Michael.

“I’m here,” he forces himself to confirm, waiting for her to drop whatever it is on him.

“Max and I are at our pods. We came out here to check on Michael. And there’s something wrong with his pod.”

“Text me your GPS coordinates and I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Alex replies, already grabbing his cane and keys as he heads toward the door.


	7. Chapter 7

Alex stops his SUV as close as he can get to the coordinates he’s been sent, but, judging by the terrain, it’s not close enough. He just hopes he can manage to keep himself upright long enough to get there and back.

He’s been slowly working on using his cane less and less, but this is not the time to risk going without it. So he climbs out of his car and steps carefully on the uneven ground.

By the time he reaches the cave, he’s stumbled more than a few times and he has sharp pains shooting through his knee and hip. But he doesn’t have time to deal with it. Instead, he focuses on making his way inside the cave.

It’s instantly clear what’s gone wrong. Two of the pods are a bright swirl of color, but the third, the one furthest from the entrance, the one with Michael inside it, has gone dark.

Isobel and Max turn toward him, Max stepping between him and Isobel, but she shoves him aside and strides toward Alex. “We need to put him in another pod.”

“And kill that pod too and maybe him when we move him?” Max asks, sounding angry. Clearly they’ve been arguing about this for a while.

“He’s our brother, Max!” Isobel whirls on him. “We’re not going to let him die when we have two more pods that can help him!”

“We don’t know that they can,” Max replies. “Sure, maybe it’s been acting as life support, but we don’t know what’s wrong with him. And Michael is the only one of us who could maybe figure out a cure anyway.”

“I need more time,” Alex says, squaring his shoulders. “I am looking into it, but I need time to go over everything. I’ll find you the answers and we _will_ bring him back.” He’ll do everything in his power to keep that promise. He can’t fail. Not this time.

“So we transfer him to another pod,” Isobel sounds triumphant, already moving toward the small camping stove in the corner.

Alex follows her more slowly, only stopping when he sees something out of the corner of his eye. The pod Michael is in isn’t dark anymore. It’s slowly brightening, regaining its color. It isn’t dead. Not yet, anyway. “Wait,” he says in little more than a whisper. “It’s working again.”

Isobel turns to look, a smile lighting up her face. Even Max looks relieved as he crosses over to the pod.

“You really think we can bring him back?” Max asks Alex, tone hopeful.

“I can find out what happened,” Alex replies carefully. “I can figure out what they gave him. And Michael can find a cure.” He’ll find a way to make it work. Somehow.

Max nods at him and they leave the cave together, blocking off the entrance when they do. They make their way to Alex’s car first, Max holding out his right hand toward Alex. “Let me know if I can do anything to help. And thanks.”

Alex shakes it reluctantly. He doesn’t know if Isobel has mentioned the reasons he has for helping. Or at least the reasons she’s aware of. He doesn’t want to hide them from Max but he doesn’t have enough energy to go over all the ways his father is a monster. Not today. So he just nods and opens the car door, setting his cane inside carefully before climbing in.

* * *

Alex only relaxes fully when he opens the door to find Michael right there, waiting for him.

“What the hell happened?” Michael asks. “You were here with me one second and then you were gone the next!”

“Your pod malfunctioned or something,” Alex replies, closing and locking the door behind him, setting his keys by the door, making his way over to the couch as he explains. “Isobel called. She and Max were in the cave and it was dark. It’s working now, but…”

“But you don’t know why it stopped working. Or if it will happen again,” Michael finishes for him.

Alex nods, collapsing on the couch. “I don’t know why. I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t-” he forces himself to take a deep breath. He can’t put this on Michael, all his fears that he’ll lose him. His worries that this wasn’t the first time, that it’s happened before and he just hasn’t noticed. Or known what it was. That he should have been working on this _far_ before now. That he’s too late. Alex knows he should be comforting Michael, not putting Michael in the position to comfort him. “I’m just going to have to work faster. I need to find out about this serum they used on you. So we can find a cure.” He reaches for his laptop, but Michael steps in front of it. Alex knows he could just reach right through him, but he won’t. Instead, he looks up into Michael’s eyes.

“You’ll figure it out,” Michael’s tone is soft, gentle. “I trust you.”

Warmth blooms in Alex’s chest at that. The knowledge that Michael means it when he says that he trusts Alex with his safety, with the safety of his siblings, of everyone he loves. He’ll find a way to deserve that trust. Somehow.

He just smiles up at Michael and waits for him to move to sit beside him before turning his attention to his laptop again.

* * *

It takes a painfully long time for Alex to wade through everything he’s found. He doesn’t have help, other than Michael reading over his shoulder and he’s _glad_ that ended within the first couple of days when Alex had to wade through information about what they’d done to torture the aliens they’d captured. How, after all of it, they’d just rounded up the rest of the aliens, everyone but Michael, everyone who hadn’t been outside the walls of that prison in decades. How they’d given the serum to one of them so they could make sure it would spread to the others, would kill them all slowly and painfully.

Alex is glad Michael hadn’t read that, hadn’t witnessed it firsthand, though he knows it’s possible Michael saw all of them be taken away, never to return.

Now Michael is just waiting for Alex to find him anything useful to work with. And, so far, there’s far too much for Alex to figure out what information truly matters and what doesn’t. So, most of the time, Michael listens to podcasts or audiobooks Alex sets up for him while Alex works. And then, at some point in the evening, Michael interrupts him and reminds him to eat, to get ready for bed, to sleep.

The nightmares are an almost nightly occurrence now. The things he’s reading fuel them, make them darker and more graphic than the first. Michael is always the subject in them. And Alex is always, _always_ , the one torturing him.

Michael wakes him up most nights, tries his best to comfort him after, talking to him about anything and everything until Alex falls asleep again.

In truth, Alex doesn’t know how he’d handle this without Michael, even though he knows it’s not fair for him to rely on the man whose family Alex’s father had murdered, the man who Alex’s father had tried to kill.

But Michael is there and he’s kind to Alex and Alex knows he’s not strong enough to deny what he wants when it’s offered to him so sincerely.

Alex is looking through the information he's found so far and he freezes when he sees the familiar name on the screen. _Cameron_. Not Jenna, but Charlotte. _Charlie._ Jenna’s missing sister. It could be nothing, they could be unrelated, but Alex follows this potential link between them and Project Shepherd until he finds it.

Cameron designed the serum. And now she’s in the wind.

Alex knows he can find her. She’s skilled at covering her tracks, switching identities often, moving around regularly. But Alex is better. The problem isn’t finding her. The problem will be getting her to help them. If she’s a true believer in his father’s twisted mission, they’re screwed. If not, he’ll still have to convince her to stop running for long enough to find a cure for Michael.

He knows what his father would do, how he’d use the fact that Jenna is here, how he’d threaten her safety unless Charlotte agreed to work with him.

Alex is well aware he could do that. He’s done worse. But he has something else he wants to try first, if Michael, Max, and Isobel agree to it. He just hopes he’s not wrong in trusting that Jenna Cameron isn’t involved in Project Shepherd too.

* * *

Alex doesn’t know how Max and Isobel explain it to her, but, a few days later, Jenna Cameron shows up at his door with coffee and bagels.

“Max told me you found my sister?” she asks. When he nods, searching for words, she quickly says, “You explain, I’ll drive.”

That’s how he spends the morning in a car with Jenna, answering questions she has about what Max had told her.

“And you decided to tell me about aliens so I can help you with my sister.”

“Seemed like less of a dick move than threatening your life so your sister will help us,” Alex shrugs, not mentioning his other concern, the risk they had all taken in trusting her.

“Yeah, I don’t think Maria would forgive you for that,” Jenna replies with a grin.

He would be surprised at how well she’s taking it all, but, then again, he knows she’s former military too. She’s probably very skilled at compartmentalization.

“And I’m guessing I’m not supposed to tell her about it?” Jenna asks. Alex can’t imagine how difficult it would be to keep that secret from Maria. He knows how perceptive she can be.

“It’s not our secret to tell,” Alex answers. “It’s theirs.”

“I can’t lie to her,” Jenna says.

Alex just nods. They’ll deal with that issue when they come to it. For now, he has to focus on saving Michael.

“You figure out a way to take down this program?” Jenna asks him, taking a big bite of her bagel.

“I’m working on it,” Alex replies carefully. He’s not sure how he’s going to do it, but he will.

“You need help, just let me know,” Jenna says after she swallows her food.

Alex glances over at her, raising his eyebrow at her.

“I was in the military too, you know,” she tells him. “I may not have my sister’s training. Or yours. But I know that what this Project Shepherd did is fucked up. Experimenting on vulnerable people. It needs to be stopped. For good.”

Alex nods at her after a moment, “I’ll let you know.”

* * *

Alex stays back while Jenna approaches her sister. They agreed on this, him waiting until she waves him over. He needs to get this right, needs to convince Charlie to help him save Michael. While he’s surprised by how fond he’s grown of him, how much he appreciates having Michael in his life, he knows he can’t keep him there. He needs to set Michael free. It’s what Michael deserves.

After a few minutes, Jenna waves him over, so he makes his way toward her. He likes Jenna. She’s steady, the kind of person who he’d have gladly had on his team in Iraq, who he’s glad to have helping them now. It’s a relief for him to know Maria has Jenna to lean on while she’s dealing with Mimi’s illness.

“Look, I know you want me to help your friend, but it’s better if I keep moving,” Charlie says when he reaches her and Jenna. “Project Shepherd isn’t the only group that wants me to make a weapon for them.”

“That’s not why I want your help. Not because he’s my friend, anyway.” He turns to glance at Jenna before asking, “Did Jenna tell you I served?” When Charlie nods, he continues, “I did some things over there that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for. I can’t fix them, I can’t take it back. You know what that’s like, doing evil things and telling yourself you’re just doing what you’re told?” Alex takes a breath before saying, “I didn’t do this. But my dad did. My brother did. This is my legacy. But I can change it. I can fix it. If you’ll help me.”

Alex continues, “I know they tested your serum. Before they used it on Michael. I know that they used it to kill a lot of people. You can’t do anything about that. But you can help save one person they tried to kill using your work.”

“Please, Charlie,” Jenna asks. “Come home with me. Let us keep you safe. Let me have my sister back. Even if it’s just for a little while.”

Charlie is silent for what feels like an eternity, before she says, “I won’t be able to do it on my own. It’s much easier to do the harm that my serum does than it is to repair it. I’ll need the help of a biomedical engineer. And a doctor who can help us monitor everything.”

“We’ll get them,” Alex promises. He’s not certain how, but he will convince Max and Isobel to tell Liz Ortecho and Kyle Valenti. And he will convince his friend and his former bully to help him. Somehow.


	8. Chapter 8

The drive home after finding Charlie and convincing her to help is long, and Alex is far too tired and sore to do anything but make it in the door and collapse on the couch, promising himself five minutes to recover before he checks in with Michael. And then he’ll get back to work on finding a way to dismantle Project Shepherd.

“What happened?”

He jerks upright to find Michael standing right next to the couch, hovering over him, filled with concern.

“Charlie is going to help us. But she needs us to find more people who can help. A biomedical engineer. And an actual doctor. I’ve already texted Isobel and Max about it. If you are all okay with telling them, I suggested bringing in Kyle and Liz.”

“You know I trust you,” Michael replies. “I mean, I hate Kyle Valenti, but even I know that dick wouldn’t do anything that could hurt Iz.” Alex fights to hold back a smile at that. Michael had been utterly indifferent toward Kyle until he heard about how he treated Alex in high school. He knows he shouldn’t be charmed by it. “That isn’t what I meant though,” Michael continues. “What happened to _you_ , Alex? You look like-”

“I’m fine,” Alex cuts him off. “Just give me five minutes and we’ll get to work.”

“You’re not,” Michael’s tone is surprisingly firm. “You’re going to heat up one of the burgers in the fridge. Then you’re going to take pain meds. And we’re going to spend the rest of the day on the couch watching whatever you want.”

Alex knows he should argue with Michael. He has so much work to do, research to do _for_ Michael. But that does sound nice. And he knows his doctors would insist he take his pain medication, take off his prosthetic, and actually get some rest. “We watch one movie and then I’m going to get back to the research.”

“Deal,” Michael agrees easily.

* * *

Alex wakes to the low light of early morning. His body is stiff and sore from sleeping on the couch, but, otherwise, he hasn’t felt so well rested in years.

The TV went into sleep-mode long ago. The last thing he remembers is Han Solo flying the Millenium Falcon into an asteroid field.

“Morning, gorgeous,” Michael says from across the room and Alex nearly falls off the couch in surprise.

Alex takes a moment to check that his sweatpants leg is still tied under his stump before he sits up and turns to Michael. “You could have woken me up, you know.”

“You looked like you needed it,” Michael shrugs.

“I have a lot of work to do, Michael. To help you and your siblings. I still have to secure a place for Charlie to work and convince Liz and Kyle to help, assuming Max and Is-”

“I get that, Alex,” Michael interrupts, sounding exhausted. “But I’ve also shared a house with you for long enough to know you’re gonna work yourself to death looking for an answer. You’re taking care of me. Let me take care of you.”

“I can take care of myself, Michael,” Alex replies as kindly as he can.

“Fuck, Alex, I’m well aware of that. You’re capable. You’re a badass. But I _want_ to, okay? I _like_ making sure you eat and get at least a few hours of sleep. I _enjoyed_ watching Star Wars with you last night and hearing your ridiculous fanboy commentary.” He has a teasing grin on his face and Alex can feel his face heating up in response. “I feel pretty useless most of the time. I can’t help with this. I can’t examine my pod and figure out what’s going on, I can’t look at Charlie’s serum and help build an antidote. I can’t do anything but wander around this house.” Michael’s voice is rising, sounding angrier and angrier and Alex has to keep reminding himself that the anger isn’t about him. And then Michael’s voice is soft again, “Just please let me feel useful?”

“Okay,” Alex agrees. And then a grin spreads across his face as he says, “I do like cooking with you. And it was fun to watch Star Wars with you. At least up until I fell asleep.” He pauses, “But, if it happens again, wake me up so I can take my evening pills?” He’s sure one night missing them won’t be a problem, but he shouldn’t make it a habit.

If Michael had any circulation at all, Alex would say that he pales at that, but, after a moment, he agrees.

* * *

Alex is working on spaghetti sauce, Michael watching over his shoulder and giving him instructions on what to add and how much. He could swear he can almost feel Michael behind him, his breath against Alex’s neck, his heat. Alex knows his mind is playing tricks on him, but he still enjoys it, the way Michael stands close to him, closer than Alex would let most people stand. He wishes he could lean back, into Michael’s arms. But he can’t.

He flinches at the knock on the door and, at Michael’s prompting, Alex turns down the heat before he makes his way out of the kitchen, through the dining room and living room and to the door.

Kyle Valenti, of all people, is standing there on his doorstep, a six pack of beer in one hand. “Isobel told me.”

Alex quickly waves him in, mind racing over all the possible reactions Kyle could have had, all the ways he may have to do damage control.

“I know I was a dick to you in high school and you have no reason to talk to me, but you _know_ and I could really use someone human to talk to,” Kyle says quickly.

“I was finishing up making dinner,” Alex says. “Want some before you tell me what’s going on?”

“Thanks, man,” Kyle gives him a small smile, sitting down at the dining table Alex almost never uses while Alex moves toward the kitchen.

Michael is glaring at Kyle and Alex has to fight back a laugh. But he waits until he closes the door to speak, “I can handle him, Michael.”

“You sure? Because I wouldn’t mind seeing what kind of spooky ghost shit I can do.”

Alex does laugh this time, “I’ve got this. But thank you.”

Michael shrugs, “I’ll make myself scarce. But, if you need me…”

* * *

Kyle and Alex move on from the beer to the stronger stuff pretty quickly. Or, more accurately, Kyle does. Alex knows he has to keep a clear head about all of this. He needs to be certain Kyle won’t put Michael, Isobel, or Max in danger now that he knows the truth. So, instead, he watches as Kyle drinks his whiskey.

“I just don’t get why she didn’t think she could tell me,” Kyle says for the fifth time. “I bought her a ring. I was gonna propose and I didn’t even know the most important thing about her.”

“When I was in the Air Force, I didn’t tell anyone that I’m gay,” Alex tells him, hoping Kyle will get the point he’s trying to make. “Even after ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ was abolished, it took me a long time. I trusted them with my life, but not who I am. And they were fine with it, when I told them. It didn’t change things. But I was too scared to tell them for a long time.”

“You think Isobel saw how I treated you and thought-”

“No,” Alex quickly interrupts. “I think Isobel and her brothers were scared of what would happen if they told the _wrong_ person. I mean, look what my dad did. I think it was easier for them not to tell anyone, no matter how much they wanted to.”

“Until Michael told you,” Kyle says, taking another swig of his drink.

“He needed my help,” Alex dismisses it.

“No, that’s not it,” Kyle says. “He saw that you’re a good guy. That he could trust you. That you’d do everything you can to keep Isobel and Max safe. What if Isobel doesn’t think the same thing about me?”

Alex tries to ignore his comments. Kyle doesn’t know anything about what he’s done. He’s not good. And he knows it. Because he knows he’d do some truly horrible things if it meant keeping Michael and his siblings safe. But Kyle is definitely not sober enough for that conversation, even if Alex _wanted_ to share it. Instead, he stands and says, “Isobel knows she can trust you. And you’re gonna show her how right she was to tell you. Tomorrow. Because you are staying here and sleeping that off on the couch tonight,” Alex nods at the bottle of whiskey.

“How do you know?” Kyle slurs.

“Because this entire time, you haven’t been panicking about Isobel being an alien.”

Kyle shrugs, “She’s still Isobel.”

Alex is pretty sure he knows exactly what Kyle means.

* * *

Alex steps into the lab he set up for Liz and Charlie. Liz is working in one corner, bent over a microscope, pausing to make notations. Max is sitting in a corner, pretending to be reading, but, really, Alex knows he’s just watching Liz, exactly the way he did in high school. He hopes that, this time, Max at least has the courage to ask her out. Charlie is at another table, scribbling in a notebook, ignoring Max completely.

“Thank you, Liz, for agreeing to do this,” Alex says when he reaches her. “And for keeping it quiet.”

“Of course,” she replies, brushing her hair behind her ears. “I get it. I mean, it’s not like I don’t worry about my dad getting on the wrong people’s radar.”

“How’s he doing, by the way?” Alex asks, helping her grab a beaker she points to that someone, probably Max, put on the top shelf.

“I think he’s doing better. I don’t know. I’m trying to make sure he’s taking better care of himself, now that we know about his diabetes, but you know my dad. He tries to keep me and Rosa from worrying, but…”

“You still worry.”

Liz nods before asking, “What about you? How are you doing with everything?”

He knows what she’s asking, how she’s not quite comfortable asking about his leg and is kind of tiptoeing around it. “I’m adjusting. It’s slow going, but…”

She nods, as if she understands. “We’ve all missed you, you know. Me, Maria, and Rosa. I know you’ve been busy with this,” she lowers her voice, “alien thing. But we miss you.”

He instantly feels guilty, “Yeah, I, um, I’ll try to be a better friend.”

Liz swats at his arm lightly, “You’re a great friend. Don’t think I haven’t noticed all the things you’ve done for my dad. But just… Let us be your friend too, okay?”

“You are. You’re helping with all of this, aren’t you?”

Liz shakes her head. “This is for Max. And maybe Isobel.” She pauses, leaning over to look in the microscope again, “I get that you’re busy with all of this right now. But, after we figure it out… We’ll be around, okay?”

Alex forces himself to nod and thanks her again before heading out the door. He has work to do, work not directly connected to bringing Michael back, but to making sure he’s safe when Liz, Charlie, and Kyle find a cure for him.

* * *

Alex spends the next few weeks continuing to dig into Project Shepherd, looking for a way to dismantle it that won’t bring attention to Michael or the Evans twins. It’s slow going and most of what he finds is horrifying, but he knows he has to do this. Michael will never be safe until it’s gone. And it’s the least Alex can do. He can’t undo all the awful things his family did, but he can make sure they don’t hurt anyone else. He won’t let his family’s legacy of torture continue.

True to his word, Michael makes sure Alex eats, sleeps, and does his exercises. He’s there when Alex has nightmares about everything. He stays up with Alex when he can’t sleep. And Alex knows he doesn’t deserve it. But he’s grateful for it all the same.

Alex doesn’t ask him about his plans for if they find a cure. He has too much experience with hopes and dreams that don’t come true. Instead, they talk about other things, like what they wanted to be when they were kids. Michael tells Alex that all he ever wanted was to find his family, to have a home. Alex wishes he could give Michael his family back. He knows that his father murdered Michael’s mother in his experiments and he doesn’t understand how Michael doesn’t hate him for that. But he doesn’t ask.

Alex tells Michael he wanted to be a musician, how he wrote terrible emo songs when he was a teenager, how he was going to run off and be a star. Or so he thought.

“What happened?” Michael asks. “Why the Air Force?”

“I guess I eventually realized that it was the only way I was getting out of Roswell alive,” Alex admits, looking away. “My dad would have hunted me down and dragged me back to Roswell if I tried to leave. Or worse. So I gave him what he wanted.”

“That’s how you know he let me go,” Michael breathes.

Alex turns to look at him, nodding. “You wouldn’t have been hard to track. He probably thinks you died in the desert on your way home. Didn’t give him what he wanted, but-”

“He wasn’t worried about me surviving.”

“No.”

Michael just smiles at him and Alex wants to cry. “I will. Thanks to you. I hope I get-”

And then Michael is suddenly gone and Alex’s home feels empty and dark.

He reaches for his phone, throat tight, heart pounding with fear of what this means, sending out a group text, trying to force himself to breathe, even if it feels like he’s breathing through a straw. There’s nothing he can do but hope Michael isn’t lost to him. He just has to hope Liz, Charlie, and Kyle can figure out what’s going on. And that they can find a cure for the man Alex is beginning to realize he loves.


	9. Chapter 9

It’s not long before Alex is meeting the Evans twins, Liz, Kyle, and Charlie in the cave with the pods. Unsurprisingly, Max is hovering near Liz. But, to Alex’s surprise, Isobel is ensconced between Charlie and Kyle, both of their arms around her, Charlie brushing her fingers through Isobel’s hair soothingly.

“I’m going to keep looking for a cure,” Liz says, voice firm. “And I _will_ find one.”

“But?” Alex forces himself to ask, trying to play the part of soldier to hide the terror he’s felt ever since Michael disappeared.

“It’s not good,” Liz admits. “When the pod is functioning, it’s keeping Michael in stasis. Even possibly reversing some of the damage that the serum did. But, when it’s not…” Liz glances at Kyle, who takes over for her.

“When the pod isn’t functioning, he’s starting to deteriorate again. More slowly than he would outside of it, but he is getting worse. And, until it starts working again, we can’t penetrate it enough to remove him. So, even when we find a cure, we’ll need it to be functioning to cure him.” He stays calm, tone even as he speaks. Alex knows that just means he’s used to delivering bad news. Alex is used to it too.

“Is there any way to jumpstart it?” Max asks, eyes still on Liz.

“Not that we’ve found. Not without risking it shutting down completely,” she answers carefully. “My theory is that the serum is damaging the pod. The pod is meant to heal Michael, but it might need time to heal too.”

“Alright,” Alex forces himself to say. “So we wait. Keep working. Liz, Charlie, and Kyle keep looking for a cure. And a way to get the pod to start working again.” He knows Max and Isobel have been helping in whatever limited ways they can, providing blood so Liz and Charlie can test their attempts at a cure, letting Kyle examine them so he’s comfortable with the way their alien anatomy works in case of an emergency. And Alex? Well, Alex is working on taking down Project Shepherd.

* * *

“You’re sure this is the only place where your father tortured aliens?” Jenna asks as she parks outside of the walls of Caulfield prison. They’ve done their work to make sure it’s empty, no heat signatures, no vehicles nearby. It’ll be secure, or as secure as his father understands how to make it, but there’s no one there. Not right now.

“As sure as I can be,” Alex replies quickly. “I’ve been tracking his phone and he only really regularly stops here, at home, or at the base. I’ve already checked out his house for anything important. And the military knows nothing about this little endeavor. He’s been funding it with his own money. Unless he has far more than I’m aware of and it’s hidden somewhere I can’t track or under a pseudonym I can’t find, he’d only be able to keep one facility running. That would be this one." When Jenna looks at him skeptically, he adds, "Your sister is far more tech savvy than my father and I tracked her. Unless he's going seriously old school and hiding cash in his mattress, I'd find it. And I checked his mattress."

Jenna nods, finishing her coffee before stepping out of the car. “Go over the plan one last time?”

“I’ll get us in,” Alex says, following her out of the car. “We make a sweep of the building, looking for any physical records or samples, as well as any computer system that’s not connected to the internet. Get all that, get out. Burn everything we find that could be used to prove aliens exist.”

Jenna nods, checking that she has her gun in her holster before leading the way toward the building.

It doesn’t take long for Alex to hack into the security system and open the doors for them. He follows Jenna inside, well aware that she’s probably better prepared in the case that there’s a fight.

But they don’t come across anyone inside the building. They clear out the labs and storage quickly, saving the cells for last.

Jenna stays back as Alex walks into the now empty cell block, forcing himself not to touch anything, even though he is wearing gloves.

His father, his grandfather, his _great_ -grandfather kept people locked up in these tiny cells for their entire lives. They tortured them, inflicted unimaginable horrors on them simply because they were different.

His father and his brother tortured _Michael_ here.

Alex takes a deep breath before entering the open cell he had seen Michael dragged from. It’s cold and dark, so small Alex can reach both sides of it if he just reaches out. There’s a toilet in the corner, small and dirty, but no sink to wash in. And, instead of a bed, there’s a narrow metal bench.

Alex can’t help but picture the kind, intelligent man he knows locked in this tiny space, cut off from everyone and everything. Trying to sleep on that cold, tiny bench.

He doesn’t know how Michael manages to be the caring person he is. How he manages to look at Alex with anything other than disgust, knowing his family did this to him.

“We should go,” Jenna says, standing at the door, voice quiet. He hadn’t heard her come over, too busy thinking about Michael.

Alex nods, swiping away tears before turning toward the door. Jenna is thoughtful enough not to comment, just adjusting her backpack full of things they’d taken before turning and leading the way out of the prison.

Alex adjusts his own backpack and glances back at the cell they’d kept Michael in one more time before following her back outside and into the sunlight.

* * *

The next evening, Alex is startled out of his work by a knock on his door. He forces himself to get up, leg aching from lack of movement after the overuse the previous day, and he makes his way to the door. He’s not in the mood to see anyone right now, with the obvious exception of Michael. He’s been holding it together for Isobel and Max. For Liz and Kyle and Charlie. He knows how to be a leader. And he needs to focus on that. He needs to do that so that the rest of them don’t fall apart too.

Maria is standing at the door, bags from The Crashdown in her hands. “Jenna told me what’s going on.”

“What exactly did she tell you?” Alex asks, waving Maria in and closing the door behind her.

“That your ghostly roommate is an alien, that he’s alive, and that her sister is busy trying to keep him that way, with Liz and Kyle’s help,” she replies, sitting down on his couch and setting the bags on his coffee table, before giving him an apologetic look. “She also said she thought you might need a friend?”

Alex sighs and replies resignedly, “There better be a milkshake in there.”

Alex is silent while Maria opens one of the bags and takes out a burger, unwrapping it and taking a bite. She chews and swallows before saying, “So, aliens are real.”

“You seem to be taking it in stride,” he replies.

“Just confirmed my suspicions about Isobel Evans,” she shrugs. Alex is certain it’s more complicated than that, but he appreciates her showing up for him when most people would be freaking out.

Alex forces a smile and says, “She’s not as bad as you think.” He rolls his eyes before he heads toward the kitchen. “If we’re going to talk about this though, I’m gonna need something stronger than a milkshake.”

“He’ll be okay, you know,” Maria says softly.

Alex freezes in the kitchen doorway, unable to turn around and look at her, to let her see his fear. “You don’t know that.”

“I _sense_ it,” Maria says. “I may not know him, but I can sense his connection to you. It’s strong. I know you’re trying to be strong for him, but it’s okay not to be sometimes.”

Alex turns to face her, “This happened to him because of my family. My dad did this to him.”

Maria stands, crossing the room toward him, “Your father isn’t your family.” She passes him, opening one of the cabinets and standing on her tiptoes, pulling down a bottle and two glasses. “And I think Michael knows that, even if you don’t accept it.”

Alex sighs and follows her back to the couch, watches as she pours them both drinks. He doesn’t bring up the fact that he’s done things that are just as awful. Instead, he changes the subject, “So, on a scale from one to ten, how mad are you that I didn’t tell you?”

“About aliens?” she asks. When he nods, she lifts her drink and takes a sip before looking at him. “I was pretty pissed. At first. But I get that it’s not your secret to tell. And, anyway, I can’t expect you to do anything you think would put him in danger. Even though,” she gives him a serious look. “You should know better than to think _I_ would put any of them in danger.”

“I know,” Alex admits, taking a sip of his own drink. “It just wasn’t my secret to tell.”

Maria is quiet for a moment, thinking as Alex unwraps his own burger and takes a bite.

“He’ll be okay,” she finally says, repeating herself. “You two are connected. He’ll come back to you.”

Alex wishes he could believe as easily as Maria does, that he had that faith, that hope. But he smiles and then he changes the subject, asking Maria about her relationship with Jenna, enjoying the distraction from his own problems.

* * *

It’s been a week since Michael disappeared in front of his eyes and Alex is doing everything he can to hold out hope. He’s been working, digging through the Project Shepherd files, trying to find anything he can that might help him get Michael’s pod working again, even though he knows the search is fruitless. His father never knew about the pods in the first place.

After yet another pointless search, he forces himself to take calming breaths. He reminds himself what Maria said about his connection to Michael. It’s not in there, in the endless descriptions of the horror Michael’s family was put through or what they learned by torturing them.

He forces himself to stand and stretch, reaching for his guitar. He needs a break. And Michael told him that music calms him. Alex hopes that just maybe it can do the same for him.

He takes his time to make sure it’s in tune before starting to play, singing the first song that comes to his mind, “When the moon fell in love with the sun, all was golden in the sky. All was golden when the day met the night.” He closes his eyes, as he continues to sing and strum at his guitar, searching for that peace that Michael mentioned. “When the moon found the sun, he looked like he was barely hanging on, but her eyes saved his life in the middle of summer.”

He’s just about to start the chorus when his phone starts to ring. He sets his guitar aside and reaches for it, seeing Liz’s name on the caller ID. “Did you find something?” he asks in lieu of a greeting.

Liz doesn’t call him on it. He can hear the smile in her voice when she says, “We’ve found a cure.”

Alex feels like a weight has been lifted off of his chest. For the first time in a long time, he lets himself feel hope for a moment. Until he reminds himself that Michael isn’t here, that the pod isn’t working. “That’s amazing,” he finally breathes. “Thank you, Liz.”

She instantly goes into explaining the way it works, how she’d finally figured it out. And Alex responds appropriately, but he’s mostly thinking about Michael and how much he’d love to hear this. How he’d understand every single word.

Alex just hopes he'll get a chance to hear it for himself.


	10. Chapter 10

“He’s not back yet, is he?” Isobel asks as she grabs her coffee from Alex’s hand.

“No,” Alex admits sadly, looking around the living room that feels so much more empty without Michael. He turns his attention back to Isobel, who looks like she’s actually trying _not_ to say something she’s thinking. “Spit it out.”

“I’m not-” she takes a breath, clearly trying to formulate a way of saying whatever she’s thinking. “Kyle is always so much better at this than me,” she admits. “Max and I were adopted when we were seven. And we were separated from Michael. We can _feel_ each other, but my connection to Max is much more solid than my connection to Michael ever was. And, when we were adopted, I didn’t feel him again for a decade. Max, Michael, and I, wherever we’re from, we’re not supposed to be alone. We’re supposed to be connected to each other. And Michael was alone that entire time. Until he found us.

“Max and I tried. He’s our brother. And we love him. But I think maybe we failed him. Or else why would he let _you_ see him and not us?” she asks, gesturing at him.

Alex wants to respond with sarcasm, to let the hurt at her pointing out what he already knows come out in his voice, but he tamps down that urge, instead saying, “He loves you and Max. He would do anything to protect you.”

“And that’s precisely the problem,” Isobel responds. “He doesn’t expect or even ask us to do the same for him. We didn’t even go looking for him!”

Alex takes a deep breath before saying, “You were kids. I think Michael knows that, deep down. And I don’t know why I can see him and you can’t. But I know it _isn’t_ about him not loving you or being angry with you or whatever you think it is. Maybe-”

“That’s not why I came here,” Isobel says, shaking her head, voice firm. “I need you to use whatever is connecting him to you to bring my brother back.”

Alex wants to tell her he doesn’t know how, that he’s not connected to Michael in any way other than that his family spent decades torturing and murdering theirs, that his own father almost killed Michael himself.

But that isn't what she needs to hear. He can't put that on her.

Instead, he just nods.

* * *

Alex carefully makes his way down the slope inside the cave, watching to make sure his prosthetic lands on solid ground, cane ready to support him with each step.

The cave is empty, except for the three pods, two of them still glowing brightly, the third dark.

There’s an old aluminum folding chair set up in front of it, the webbing a faded green and blue. There’s an old maroon sleeping bag open on top of it.

There’s no one else in the cave now, but Alex is relieved to see the evidence that someone has been visiting Michael. Even if it’s a reminder of another way that Alex himself has failed him.

He makes his way over to the chair, carefully removing the sleeping bag and lowering himself to the chair, instantly looking toward Michael’s pod.

He can make him out in there, floating in it, his messy curls a halo around his handsome face.

“I miss you,” Alex finally says in little more than a whisper. “I miss your laugh. You always sound both surprised and delighted. I wish I could hear that sound every day. I miss the explanations of things I can’t possibly begin to understand because I don’t have a doctorate. But I love hearing about them anyway. I wish you could show me all those things you're always trying to explain to me. I miss the way you stand so close to me I can almost feel your breath on my skin. I wish I could.” His voice slowly gets louder as he continues, “I know I act like I hate it, but I miss the way you flirt with me. It scares me. But I don’t hate it.”

Alex pushes himself off the chair and to his feet, placing the sleeping bag back on the chair and slowly crossing to Michael’s pod. “You scare me. Because you’re so kind to me. You make me feel-” he swallows, fighting back tears. “I don’t deserve you. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I see my father and I can’t-” He pauses to take a deep breath, slowly letting it out. “I can’t be the person you deserve. Not with all the things I’ve done. Not knowing that, if things were different, I could have done those things to you.”

Alex takes another deep breath, lifting his right hand, letting it hover over the surface. “But, if things were different, I’d want to be that person for you. I wish I could. Because,” he takes yet another deep breath, eyes burning with tears. “I do love you, Michael Guerin.” He finally lets himself touch Michael’s pod. The surface is cold to the touch, but he can feel it warming against his skin.

At first, he’s certain it’s just absorbing his body heat, but then it’s getting so warm to the touch that he draws his hand back, glancing down to find ripples of color, bright pinks and blues and purples moving slowly outward in waves from where he touched the surface until the whole pod is as bright as the other two.

Alex instantly digs into his pocket, eyes still focused on Michael’s face, and pulls out his phone, only looking down to text the group and let them know that the pod is working again and they need to get Michael out and give him the cure as soon as possible.

* * *

Alex has just reached his house when his phone starts to ring, so he answers it while he climbs out of the car.

“Alex?” Kyle asks the instant he answers. “I’m in the middle of a double shift and the soonest I’ll be able to escape to help you guys with Michael is eight a.m. Tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Alex replies as calmly as he can. He reminds himself that this is good. It gives him time to talk Michael through the plan, to make sure, once again, that he’s okay with it. Because, no matter what, it is a risk. “I’ll tell the rest of the group. And I’ll meet you at the hospital at eight with coffee.”

“I know you want to get him out of that thing now, but-”

“Don’t worry about it,” Alex reassures him, digging in his pocket for his keys. “It gives me time to make sure everything is ready. And we really do need you there. To make sure he’s okay. And in case something goes wrong. Thank you for agreeing to help us.”

“Any time, man.” He can hear the smile in Kyle’s voice.

Alex finally opens the door, reaching inside to turn on the light.

When he sees Michael standing there, he feels like he can finally breathe again.

* * *

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” Alex asks for what has to be at least the tenth time of the night. He sits down on his bed and looks up at Michael and wishes he could reach out and touch him.

“Yeah,” Michael gives him a soft, easy grin. “If it works, I get to see Iz and Max again. If not,” he shrugs. “Not like I’m going to know.”

“Don’t joke about that,” Alex manages to get out with a small shake of his head.

Michael reaches out toward him, pausing with his fingers less than a centimeter from Alex’s jaw. And then, with a frown, lowering his hand again. “You should get some sleep. I’ll need you to be at your best tomorrow.”

Alex nods, looking down at the floor for a second before meeting Michael’s eyes, “Will you stay?”

“Yeah,” Michael’s voice is soft. “I’ll stay.”

He’s surprised that Michael doesn’t make his usual flirtatious comments as Alex pulls his shirt off and tosses it into his clothing basket.

Michael is silent as Alex leans down to take off his shoes and then, when he’s sitting upright again, reaching for his jeans, he just whispers, “Thank you.”

“For what? Finally letting you see me shirtless?” Alex tries to keep his tone light, joking.

“That too,” Michael’s voice is heated for just a moment before he adds, “For everything you’ve done for me.”

Alex ducks his head, turning his attention to his jeans, unbuttoning them and carefully peeling them off.

Michael’s eyes are warm and steady on his own as Alex reaches for his prosthetic. Alex takes a breath before slowly taking off his prosthetic and setting it to the side, liner and sock on top of it.

And then he looks back up into Michael’s eyes. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Michael grins back at him.

Alex can’t help but duck his head, hiding his blush as he gets into bed, pulling the sheets up.

Moments later, Michael is lying on the opposite side of the bed, facing him, hand resting on the bed between them.

Alex wishes he could take Michael’s hand, wishes he could kiss him, could press him into the bed. He’d settle just for holding him. Instead, he rests his hand on the bedspread between them, fingers a hairsbreadth from touching Michael’s own. If they could.

When Alex wakes, Michael is still right there.

* * *

Alex taps his fingers against the steering wheel, watching the door for Kyle to come out, wishing he would move faster.

He left the pod, with Michael inside it, in their lab. Max, Liz, Isobel, and Charlie are there, waiting for them. He knows they promised to wait until he got back, but, really, he wouldn’t be surprised if they decided not to. He wouldn’t blame them. He knows they need to get this done before the pod stops working again.

Finally, the passenger door to his SUV opens and Kyle climbs in, instantly reaching for the coffee Alex holds out for him.

Alex starts his SUV the moment Kyle buckles his seatbelt and starts off in the direction of their lab. He tries to ignore the feeling of Kyle’s eyes on him, measuring him. He knows Kyle has grown from the boy who used to bully him for being gay into a good man, but that doesn’t change the past.

They’re almost there when Kyle finally speaks, “You’re in love with him. Is that why you’re doing this?”

“Helping him is the right thing to do,” Alex responds, body tense, still focusing on the road.

“I didn’t say it wasn’t. And you don’t have to talk to me about it. But you can. And I think you should talk to someone about it.” When Alex doesn’t respond, Kyle says, “He’ll be okay, you know.”

“You don’t know that,” Alex replies, tone flat. He doesn’t want to think of all the things that can go wrong. But he can’t stop thinking about what happens if the cure Liz made doesn’t work or what happens if they can’t give it to him in time. Or what happens if he has a bad reaction to it. He’s watched so many people die. He should be used to it. But Alex doesn’t know that he could survive watching Michael drown in his own blood.

“Liz and Charlie are both geniuses. I’m at least a capable doctor. And Max has healing powers. We’ve got it covered.”

Alex takes the distraction that Kyle hasn’t realized he’s offered. “How are things going with you, Isobel, and Charlie?”

To his surprise, Kyle blushes, hiding his face behind his coffee cup. “Isobel told you?”

“She didn’t have to,” Alex replies. “You’re not even remotely subtle.”

“Well, um, Isobel and I are great. Better than ever, really,” Kyle grins. “Ever since she told me about the alien thing.” He pauses before adding, “When she told me she wanted to date Charlie too, at first I thought she was breaking up with me, but- Things are good.” He pauses again before asking, “You don’t want details, right? Because I don’t know if-”

“No, Kyle,” Alex quickly interrupts. “I’m glad things are going well, but I _don’t_ need to hear the details.”

Thankfully, they reach the former Indian boarding school moments later and Alex parks before they both climb out of the car, heading toward the lab.

“Do you want to do the honors?” Liz asks when Alex walks into the lab. She’s holding out a bowl full of molten silver.

“I, um, shouldn’t Max and Isobel-”

“Heading out now,” Isobel replies, grabbing Max’s arm and pulling him toward the door. As much as they wanted to be there, Liz had insisted they stay outside to limit their exposure to whatever Michael was given. “Someone will come get us when it’s over?”

“As soon as we’re sure he’s okay, I’ll come out to get you,” Charlie replies with a smile, putting a reassuring hand on Isobel’s arm.

Once Isobel and Max have left, Alex takes the bowl from Liz’s hands, stepping up to the glowing pod before dipping his hand into the molten silver, making sure it’s fully coated, handing the bowl to Liz when he’s done.

He takes one deep, calming breath before pressing his hand against the pod. He’s amazed by how easily it slips beneath the surface this time.

Alex is surprised by how warm it is inside the pod, the fluid inside it thick and gelatinous, but comfortably warm. He reaches forward until he finally connects with Michael’s hand, his skin warmer than Alex’s own.

He nearly jumps when that hand wraps around his own, firm and warm and oh so right. But, once he is sure he has a good grip on Michael’s hand, he tugs, stepping backward as he pulls Michael with him.

And then, suddenly, Michael is emerging from the pod and stumbling into him. Alex instinctively wraps his arms around him, holding him upright, sighing as Michael buries his face against Alex’s neck, practically melting into Michael’s warmth when Michael wraps his arms around Alex in turn.

And then he’s shaking in Alex’s arms and coughing, a little at first, before loud, wet coughs wrack his body.

Someone is pulling Michael out of his arms and Alex can see Liz stabbing him with a needle, injecting him, and Kyle is pressing him against the gurney they have set up for him.

Alex stumbles backward until he hits a wall and he barely stops himself from sliding to the floor.

Michael’s coughing slows and then stops and Alex takes what has to be his first real, full breath since he pulled Michael from the pod.

Kyle is checking him over and Michael is pushing at his hands weakly.

“I’m fine,” Michael insists, voice weak but also the most beautiful sound Alex has heard in his life.

“Let me finish checking,” Kyle replies and Alex is pretty sure he can hear Michael's eyes rolling.

Everyone is silent while Kyle finishes examining him. And then Kyle steps back, glancing at Alex before glancing back at Michael. “I’m not an expert, but you seem to be in perfect health.”

“I told you,” Michael grumbles halfheartedly.

Kyle steps back and Charlie runs out the door to find the Evans twins.

Michael’s warm eyes meet Alex’s and he’s frozen in place. Until Michael says, “Hey.”

Alex takes one step forward, heart in his throat.

And then Max and Isobel rush into the room, piling on top of their brother, hugging him while he pretends to be annoyed by it. Alex knows that he loves it, however. So he steps backward again, out of the way.

“You, um, you might want to clean up a bit while he’s busy with his siblings,” Kyle comments when he reaches Alex.

It’s only then that Alex looks down at his shirt, the one he’d picked out specifically to look good for Michael, even if Michael has seen him at his worst. There’s blood all over the front of it. Too much blood. He has Michael’s blood all over him, just as he feared he would some day. Just as some part of him knew he would some day.

He nods absentmindedly at Kyle and rushes out of the room.


	11. Chapter 11

Alex doesn’t remember his drive home, doesn’t know how he gets there, but he’s there in one piece.

Alex makes it inside, tearing off his shirt and tossing it at the garbage, pulling off his undershirt and doing the same to it, rushing toward the bathroom.

By the time the water runs cold, Alex knows he should be feeling clean, but he doesn’t think he ever will.

He makes himself turn off the water and dry off before getting out of the tub and reaching for his crutches, making his way toward his bed.

It doesn’t smell like Michael. Of course it doesn’t. Even though he spent the night there with Alex, he was merely a ghost and left no traces of himself behind. Alex isn’t even sure what Michael smells like yet. He’d foolishly hoped to find out, but he knew better even then. He brings death and destruction in his wake and Michael would be better off staying far away from that.

He pulls the blankets up over him and buries his face in the pillow Michael was laying on anyway, wishing he could find the tiniest trace of him there.

* * *

The days after are cold and dark. Empty.

Alex focuses on dismantling Project Shepherd, finally finds a way to do so, enough information to anonymously send to someone high up in the military, someone he knows will take one look at what Alex has compiled, evidence of Jesse Manes privately funding torture of American citizens, and bring it down. And, thanks to Jenna’s help, they will find no evidence of aliens at Caulfield.

So he sends it and turns his attention back to his actual job. The work is easy, but time consuming and Alex buries himself in it, spending almost every day working until he has to choke down some leftovers, trying not to remember making them, take his pills, and go to bed.

He’s not sure how long it’s been since he saw anyone when he hears a knock on his door.

He levers himself to his foot, not having bothered with the prosthetic since no one was here to see him, and grabs his crutches, making his way to the door.

Maria is standing there, casserole dish in one hand, a bottle of tequila under her arm. She only waits a moment before muscling her way in through the door and shutting it behind her. “Liz says no one has heard from you since they brought your alien friend back. So you’re going to take a shower because you look kind of gross. And then we’re going to eat an actual meal and you’re going to tell me what’s going on.”

* * *

Alex has to admit to himself that Maria wasn’t wrong about him looking gross. He knows he hasn’t been taking care of himself, knows exactly what his therapist would say about a healthy routine and doing basic self care. He knows what his doctors would say about his need to take care of what’s left of his leg, his need to take care of himself so he can remain mobile. But he hasn’t had the energy for it. He hasn’t cared about it.

He has to put some extra layers between himself and his prosthetic just so it isn’t too loose, but he gets it on and finishes dressing, leaning on his cane more than he’s had to in recent weeks just to make it out to the living room.

He can hear Maria singing some Alanis to herself in the kitchen, only stopping to tell him to sit down and she’ll be out in a minute.

“Much better!” she exclaims as she comes toward him with two plates filled with food. “The boys won’t be able to resist you.” He must not be convincing in his faux confident smile because, when she sets the plates down, she jabs him in the chest with one delicate finger and says, “You are a catch, even if you don’t see it!”

Alex just shrugs in response.

Maria is kind enough to talk all about what’s going on with her and Jenna, as well as how her mom is doing, allowing Alex to focus on eating and responding for a while. Until he’s done and she’s got the plates in his dishwasher and drinks in front of the both of them.

“Now spill,” she says. “What happened between you and ghost boy?”

“Nothing,” Alex shrugs. “He’s back and Kyle says he’s healthy.”

“And you haven’t talked to him since?” Maria asks, taking a sip of her drink.

Alex just shrugs. “He’s better off without me.”

“I don’t think he’d agree with that assessment.”

“Maybe he should.”

Maria sighs and sets her drink down, turning to look at him fully, “Alex, in the time you’ve been here, you’ve changed so much. I’ve never seen you so happy and at peace. It’s the first time you’ve ever seemed at home anywhere. Like you knew you were safe to be open and vulnerable and entirely yourself. And I know it’s not the house. I don’t want you to lose that.”

“You don’t know the kinds of things I’ve done, Maria,” Alex says softly. “And you don’t want to. _I_ don’t want you to. Michael has already been a victim of my family legacy of destruction. I can’t risk causing more.”

Maria just looks sad as she listens to what he says. She takes her time before responding, “You aren’t your father, Alex. I know you’ve done things that you’ll probably never forgive yourself for. But your father wouldn’t even see that those things you had to do are awful. He doesn’t care who he hurts. And you know that. You have so much good in you. So much love. I’m sure Michael sees that. Doesn’t he deserve a say in whether or not he wants that?”

* * *

Alex walks up to Isobel’s home, jittery with nerves.. He’s briefly grateful that Kyle had complained to him about Michael staying with Isobel. So he didn’t really have to ask around to find out where Michael was staying.

Isobel answers the door, looking perfectly put together, as usual. “He’s in the garage,” she gestures to her left. “Unless you came to see me?” Her raised eyebrow tells him she knows the truth.

“Thanks,” Alex replies softly. “Um, how is he doing?”

Isobel sighs, leaning against the door frame, “He’s alive. Thanks to you. But, as for the rest, why don’t you ask him?”

He just nods and turns toward the garage, reminding himself that Michael, Isobel, all of them really, have every reason to be angry with him. He disappeared on them.

The garage door is open and Alex spots two jeans-clad legs sticking out from under Isobel’s car. He should have known that Michael would be in here. He has the radio blasting classic rock and he’s singing along, adorably off-key.

“Can we talk?” Alex asks, hoping Michael can hear him over the noise. Judging by the fact that he stopped singing, he can.

“You here to explain why you just disappeared?” Michael asks from under the car. The radio turns off though, giving Alex hope that at least Michael will listen to him.

Alex looks down at the ground as he speaks, “I’m sorry about that. I was scared and I ran. But I should have talked to you.”

At that, Michael is scooting out from under the car, sitting up and looking at Alex. His hair is a mess and he has grease on his face and hands and Alex just wants to climb on his lap and kiss him senseless. “Okay. Talk.”

“My dad tried to kill you. He killed your family. And I… Those nightmares I’ve been having? Every single time, it’s your blood on my hands. And I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t think I could live with myself if you died because of me, because of my family. So I thought maybe it was safer if I stayed away.”

“And now?”

“Now,” Alex starts, shifting nervously. “I’m going to try to be honest about what I want. And let you decide what you want.”

Michael pushes himself up to his feet, stepping closer to Alex, so close that he can feel the heat radiating off of Michael’s skin, “And what do you want?”

Alex glances down at Michael’s lips for just a moment, thinking about closing the distance and pressing his lips against Michael, wondering if that would feel as good as he imagines. But then he glances back up and meets Michael’s eyes. “I want to take you out for dinner. Tomorrow night?”

Michael grins almost wolfishly before saying, “Let me cook for you instead and it’s a deal.”

Alex can feel the blood rushing to his face, but his voice is even when he says, “I’ll see you then.” He lets himself take Michael in one more time, from the messy curls on the top of his head to the cowboy boots on his feet before he turns around and heads back to his car. He can feel Michael’s eyes on him the entire way.


	12. Chapter 12

Alex glances over at the kitchen, smiling at the sound of Michael moving around, humming to himself, letting out the occasional curse word. He had refused Alex’s help and told him to just relax and leave the cooking to him, so Alex is trying to give him his space to cook, even if he wants to go in there and just enjoy the view.

Instead, Alex reaches for his guitar, picking it up and starting to strum absentmindedly at it, nearly jumping when Michael steps in front of him, holding out his hands.

“Food is in the oven,” Michael explains.

Alex wonders how long it’s been since Michael has played guitar. Did he get a chance to play at Isobel’s? He easily hands his guitar to Michael, looking forward to hearing him play but, to his surprise, Michael sets the guitar aside carefully before climbing onto the couch, straddling Alex’s lap.

Alex’s hands instinctively move to Michael’s hips to hold him in place, keeping him steady.

Michael’s hands move to Alex’s jaw, gentle touch sending shock waves through Alex’s system. “I’ve wanted to do this since I first laid eyes on you,” Michael whispers. And then Michael is closing the slight distance between them and pressing his lips against Alex’s own.

It starts out gentle and careful, Michael tracing his jaw, his lips warm and soft against Alex’s own. And then Alex sighs against his mouth and Michael takes advantage, licking inside of his mouth, taking his time.

Alex’s hands wander up to Michael’s curls, finally tangling up in them, finding them softer than expected. When he tugs a bit, Michael groans into his mouth and his hips jerk against Alex’s own and Alex responds by whining into Michael’s mouth.

They take their time like that, just kissing, hands wandering. The world around them seems to melt away.

That is, until the smoke alarm starts blaring and Michael scrambles off his lap, rushing toward the kitchen.

Alex is close behind him, only pausing to turn off the smoke alarm, there to see Michael open the oven and to see the pan float out of the oven on its own and into the sink, water already pouring down on it.

Michael looks over at him apologetically, “I’m sorry. I wanted to do something nice for you after everything you’ve done for me and-”

Alex shakes his head instantly, “You don’t owe me anything. And it was worth it. We can order pizza, if you want.” Michael perks up at that, so Alex continues, “And, if your heart is set on making me dinner, there’s always next weekend.”

The grin that spreads across Michael’s face is the most beautiful thing Alex has seen in his life and he can’t help but smile in return.

He turns off the oven and then grabs Michael’s hand, pulling him back toward the living room, pushing Michael to sit down on the couch. Michael’s hands are on his waist in an instant, holding him steady as Alex climbs onto his lap and returns his lips to Michael’s.

* * *

“You know, I think I get why you love these movies,” Michael comments hours later, long after their pizza is gone.

“And why is that?” Alex asks, ignoring the screen, letting himself nuzzle into the soft skin of Michael’s neck, inhaling the scent of rain.

“Both Han Solo and Princess Leia are fucking hot,” Michael says. Alex can hear the teasing grin in his voice and he smiles in response. “No, but seriously?” Michael says a moment later. “I get it. Luke is so good, even with where he came from. He fights back the darkness inside himself. And he helps his father find the light in himself before he dies.”

“You must think I’m an asshole for wishing that I could have that with my dad,” Alex says softly, not quite pulling away, but prepared for rejection.

“You’re beautiful,” Michael replies instead, fingers tracing the bare skin of Alex’s hip. “If more humans were like you, I wouldn’t have spent so long looking for a way off this planet.”

“Why’d you stop?” Alex asks carefully.

“I was looking for a way home,” Michael replies, voice soft and gentle, hand moving up from his hip, all the way up until it’s brushing through Alex’s hair. And then Michael turns just enough to meet Alex’s eyes. Michael’s are warm and softer than Alex has ever seen them. “But I think I’ve found a home here on earth.”

Alex responds by closing the distance between them and capturing Michael’s lips with his own again.

* * *

Alex wakes to find himself alone in his bed. But the sheets next to him are still warm and he can hear Michael singing offkey in the kitchen.

He takes his time stretching and rolls over to bury his face in Michael’s pillow, inhaling the scent of rain.

He reaches for his boxers, pulling them up over muscles still pleasantly sore from the previous night, and grabs his crutches, making his way toward the kitchen.

He can hear Michael singing more clearly as he gets closer, “ _But I know where I want to go. And so I thought I’d let you know. Yeah, these things take forever, I especially am slow, but I realized that I need you and I wondered if I could come home._ ”

The singing stops when Michael sees him, setting down the spatula and hurrying toward him. Alex can’t help but smile as Michael gently cups his face in his hands and kisses him before murmuring, “Good morning,” against his lips.

Alex follows him back to the stove, enjoying the opportunity to stand so close to Michael he can feel his inhuman body heat. He leans forward to press a kiss against Michael’s bare shoulder and Michael turns to smile at him. And suddenly Alex knows exactly what Michael means about having finally found a home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for taking the time to read this fic! Please check out [primalmusic's](https://archiveofourown.org/users/primalmusic) amazing [playlist](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28170840) and leave a comment on it! Thank you again!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Fanmix: All the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28170840) by [primalmusic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/primalmusic/pseuds/primalmusic)




End file.
